Notes From An Underachiever.

My high school guidance counselor called me an underachiever only once. 

Out loud, anyway.

It had something to do with my high ACT score and my inability to score above a "D" in drama.  She predicted very little for my future. 

I never did worry much about grades, especially in high school, and my level of success boiled down to whether or not I liked the subject matter.  That's how you get a person who passed 4 AP tests but did, most certainly, deserve that drama grade.  I improved in college merely because I had more choices in the classes I took and therefore had more classes I enjoyed.  I'll admit that my attitude tended towards, "Why kill myself for an A when I can get a B hardly trying?"  I can see how this was frustrating for my parents. Don't parents always say things like, "I don't care what your grade is as long as you did your best?"  I didn't ever do my very best, opting instead for the very above average.  Sorry, guys.  I really am.

Sometime in my twenties, that need to achieve came bursting forth.  I got all wrapped up in being good at stuff.  In my thirties, it's been even worse (better?).  I think it had a little to do with becoming a stay at home mom, because I needed some way to feel like I've been good at something.   I've become very regular about setting little goals for myself, like learning to can, or running a PR, or giving a solo recital. 

In 2012, I set three big goals for myself.  I didn't really consider them resolutions, but they were three goals that I knew would take all year to achieve.  My first goal was to read the standard works: The Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price.  I started with the triple combination and I took three months to do so.  Then I tackled the Old Testament.  It was not easy or fun- I called Liza more than once to say, "I don't even think this is true."  It took 6 months to read the Old Testament and I personally guarantee you I understood less than .00000001% of it.  I started the New Testament in October, and after the Old Testament, the New Testament was so easy to read it felt like I wasn't even trying and I finished it in a month.  As it turns out, I wrapped up Revelations on Halloween so not much scared me that day.  "Vampire, huh?  I'm not frightened of anything with fewer than seven heads."  With two months left in the year, I went right back to the Book of Mormon and read it for the second time in 2012. 

The second goal I set for myself was to run a marathon.  I blogged about this already.  It wasn't that awesome but I did finish one.  Sometimes "I sucked it up and did it" is a pretty good accomplishment, if we are to be realistic.

My last goal was to perform this Beethoven piece that my mom wanted the ward choir to sing (Have a never mentioned that our ward choir is completely legit?  They are.).  It's the "Hallelujah" from Mount of Olives.  Due to some scheduling problems it wound up being put off until just yesterday, so I had to let go of my great expectations for 2012.  This piece of music was an enormous amount of work.  It was originally written for an orchestra, so some masochistic editor created a piano accompaniment that was a hodge-podge of all the orchestra's parts.  The resulting piano music was a challenge because it was not physically possible (for anyone but the most elite pianists) to play all of the written notes, particularly at the recommended tempo.  I spent many hours first learning the original music, trying my damnedest to get it to tempo, then editing and reworking and trying to determine what was most important to play and how exactly I was going to play it.    By the time yesterday came, I hated the song and I hated Beethoven and I REALLY hated that editor.

But it's over now.  I can't say I'm 100% happy with my performance, but I can say that I've never had a performance that has made me 100% happy anyway.  I'm 75% happy and 90% of the 75% is to do with the fact that I'm done with this heinous thing and 10% of the 75% has to do with my actual performance. 

So, I think back to you, Mrs. J, you high school "guidance" counselor, you.

Turns out you didn't know an "underachiever" from a hole in the ground.

I think I've done alright for myself.