Which means my week has been a **********. Pardon my french. Shall I itemize?
She totally felt me up, and when I told her to knock it off, she said, "I'm just hugging your boob."
I opened the shower curtain to help her out of the shower. I was fully clothed. As I dried her off, she spat a mouthful of water on me. She had been holding it in her mouth for at least 2 minutes waiting for the right opportunity. Then, when I got mad, she shrugged and nonchalantly said, "Well. Things happen."
She threw a giant fit at the movies because she was certain I had taken her to the wrong theater. Turns out that we were attending "Ramona and Beezus," and she thought we should be at "Ramona and JESUS."
She ran away to the neighbor's house.
She has decided to pee in the grass now. That's right. One month ago I trucked her sorry butt all over Wayne County in search of a facility that she deemed acceptable for her bowels, and now, IN THE COMFORT OF OUR OWN HOME, I have repeatedly caught her heading outside naked from the waist down and carrying a handful of toilet paper.
She killed Taylor Swift (our fish). She filled his bowl full of food, which he gulped down until he died. I was so furious that I pulled the old Merrilee Barratt "You'd better run!" out of my vast repertoire of empty parental threats and she believed me enough that she just put herself right into timeout. Kate is devastated, and I'm left thinking, "Could you not have killed the old stinky pet that eats like crazy and dirties up the house?" (Sorry, Powder, it's true.)
Remember last summer, when she wore the same stinky bikini for 75 days in a row? That was nothing.
Mona 5th Ward primary families
9 months ago
9 comments:
Boy...do you have your hands full with that one! I'm laughing so hard my stomach hurts:)
Vivid images running through my head.
I love that girl! Can't wait to see you guys in a couple weeks.
I was feeling so good about my racing endeavors this year and then BAM, Bruce the phantom, comes out of no where. I'm totally pissed now and I'm going to do everything in my power to one up him. I might even two up him.
Well, before your life begins to look like "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" I think that you had better start looking into military schools.
I think that the regimented program is exactly what she needs, plus she would probably excel in the hand to hand combat.
That's all I've got...
Semper Fi
Oh Becca! Kiki and Bronco could be related. My only consolation is one day she'll be all grown up and you can laugh about Kiki's adventures during family get togethers. We always have a good time reminiscing about Bronco's scandalous childhood. He was so unlike me and Beau. We were overly obedient and he was deviously mischievous. Did you hear about the time he killed Beau's gold fish--not one but two. He thought it'd be a good idea to filet them for dinner. Beau was devasted. My mom was disgusted (she found them behind the couch) and Bronco was smug. Hang in the, bonus sis! I can only imagine how trying it must be, but I'm glad you shared. I needed the laugh.
Send her to me. Quantico Marine base is just down the road. Agree with Rose
DB is having a similar summer. Our fish, also dead for the record. She might be big enough to pass for a Kindergartener. I'd give that a try.
I too am laughing so hard! I am so sorry to admit it, but she can be SO entertaining to those of us who are not her mother. So, thank you for sharing! And....Amber is right. Without Bronco, the family stories might be a little less boring and I continually laugh as I hear of the funny things he did while growing up.
Post a Comment