You Can't Handle The Truth.

A few weeks ago, Kate's school sent home a letter regarding some testing in reading proficiency that would be going on during the month of January. Kate would be tested and I was to reassure her that it was nothing to stress about. We parents were to keep our eyes peeled because the results would be sent home to us.


And they were. And the three possible ratings my child could have possibly received were as follows:

Benchmark

Strategic

Intensive

What in the he** are those words supposed to mean?

Of course I know what they MEAN, I just can't fathom how they describe my child's reading ability. After careful studying, I finally figured out that Benchmark was above grade level, Strategic was at grade level, and Intensive was below grade level. (Kate was Benchmark but that's not really germane to this discussion.) Thank goodness I have a degree and MY reading is "Benchmark" because I'm telling you that both were required to make sense of this results sheet. I actually complained to Kate's teacher about it because it was so ridiculous. I am being heartfelt and serious when I say that I am certain that there are parents out there who received this paper and STILL don't know if their kid should get an ice cream cone or a tutor.


About this same time, Rose and I began a little e-mail exchange of articles we had found interesting during the week, and she sent across one with the following comment (I'm quite certain she won't mind that I share this):

"Also, why do women keep apologizing to me when things aren't perfect in their lives? I'm being serious when I ask you if I seem like the kind of person who would judge someone because they had stinky garbage in the kitchen or blundered a conversation??"

Why are we so scared to be truthful? Why do we feel like anything less than perfect means we owe the world an apology? Why can't we be truthful about what we actually are?

What would be so wrong with simply saying that your child is reading below grade level? It's true and it's helpful information. I don't understand why we don't think our kids would benefit from knowing the truth: in words that accurately reflect what the child accomplished. I absolutely think that we should communicate negative information in a positive way...no one needs to be a jerk about it. But you try explaining to a first grader that their reading level is "Intensive" and see if they leave that conversation any further ahead than if you said, "Darling, your reading is below others in your grade...Here's what we are going to do about it...and everything is going to work out fine." I don't think we do our children any good when we assume that bad news will cause them to crumple. I think kids need to learn to deal with adversity, and my experience has been that when I give Kate all the necessary information in an appropriate way, she responds to a tough situation a whole lot better than when I try to glaze over the facts in order to "protect" her.

That said, I sometimes assume my friends won't think as much of me if I share my "Bad News." Why do we apologize for our stinky garbage when we ALL have stinky garbage? I have done this very thing: apologized for something I couldn't help or actually wasn't bothered by. Why do we automatically assume that others think less of us when we fall short of ideal? I know that most of us are like Rose: we don't care if someone hasn't perfectly cleaned their house or has on mom jeans or said something they immediately regretted. When we assume others "can't handle the truth" we do them a disservice: we are in fact assuming that they are unable to accept us or that they will judge us, and for those who love us, that's just not the case. I hope that I can learn the same thing I'm trying to teach my children: that the truth, thoughtfully and kindly presented, is the best thing we can give others and ourselves. The truth is what makes us stronger, the truth is what helps us to change, and the truth is a friend to us.