I don't know what is going on with me lately. I have been plagued with feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. I question my mothering skills, my teaching skills, my cooking...the list is quite lengthy and not getting any shorter. Action must be taken but frankly, I'm at a loss.
Kiki isn't helping. We were in Pocatello last weekend, and met my sister at Lava Hot Springs. Kiki was angered while we were changing back into our clothes by my failure to bring the "right" underwear. "Yeah, Kiki," I muttered, "I'm a bad mom."
"And you're fat," she replied.
Then last night, I said to her, "Kiki, you are so cute I just can't even stand it." She said, "You're cute too," then quietly added, "...in the dark."
Is it any wonder I'm feeling fragile? I plan on spending the next little while starving myself and keeping the lights low.
In other happenings, Kiki's hair finally grew out enough that we were able to finally get a REAL haircut. It is very cute.
We visited the Shelton's in Pocatello for President's Day. Kate had a piano recital coming up and I made her practice even though we were on a break.
We visited the Shelton's in Pocatello for President's Day. Kate had a piano recital coming up and I made her practice even though we were on a break.
Kiki and Charlie bonded over their shared love of dinosaurs and mischief.
Whitney is cute, cute. She developed quite a little attachment to her Uncle Bruce this trip. I'm not considered an entity of my own, just an extension of Bruce, which is why I get called "Bruce" as well.
My nephew Theo turned 2. We celebrated in style at our PG institution, Taco Amigo.He is a delight and a wonder.
My and my mom's piano recital was on Saturday. It was Kate's first recital, and I have some video to post, so more on that later.
8 comments:
What makes me insecure??? My Sis-law Becca that does a million things perfectly! I dream of being the wonder woman that you are. You are a piano teacher to over two dozen lucky kids, a mother, a wife, primary president, long distance runner, amazing cook, concert pianist, and might I add, skinny little woman with a perfectly clean house! So tell that pesky little devil on your shoulder to shut his trap or I will personally come kick his butt!
Love ya!
Buck up little camper. Stop taking cues from those whose breath is in their nostrils (especially the sarcastic fledglings) and go spend some time with the big man. He'll help you get your perspective straight.
P.S. I don't care how good your students are, I HOPE you didn't make all of those parents sit through all of the recital pieces without giving them a refreshing drink of concert pianismo. If so, repent, whether you are feeling insecure or not. They deserve something delicious from you: a cool mist among the chapped chopsticks. :D
I love your honesty. I read your blog often and you are inspiring.
If you are looking for a self esteem boost you could go visit Grandma Judd. I was there Saturday. She asked me if I was pregnant due to the fact my boobs looked really huge. Go figure! Ofcourse she then proceeded to tell me that they usually look really small and flat so that might not be such a great idea.
Kiki and Leighton are cut from the same cloth. She routinely gives me underhanded compliments or just plain rude comments. Sorry to say they didn't get better with age. My solution: Spend more time with Kate.
I want to be you when I grow up Becca. Miss you guys!
There was a very interesting article in Feb. Ensign on this very topic. It has stuck with me and caused me to think. At the very least, reading the Ensign always seems to remind me that my Heavenly Father loves me even though my house is a mess, my kids are banchees, and I burn everything I attempt to cook--and you don't have any of those things to worry about=)
I'm glad to know you are normal. For a while there, I was beginning to wonder if you were from another planet doing all of the amazing things you do. Anytime the self-doubt devil rears his ugly head, take a deep breath, close your eyes and repeat to yourself that you you are a DBA!! So sad that fear, uncertainty and doubt sometimes plague us, but it's such a great feeling to break through those feeling and kick them to the curb. If anyone can do it, you can!
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