Action Must Be Taken

I can't wallow for long, first, because of my nice friends who boost me up, and second, because it's not in my nature and I get tired of eating cookies and feeling bad. So I decided to take action.

First, my running friends and I scheduled a 12 miler for Saturday morning. Yes, on foot. My house, 7 a.m. if you want to come. I'm feeling better already.

Second, with the encouragement of my sister, I called an accomplished pianist we went to school with for a referral for a piano teacher. She kindly returned my call with the name and number of a woman she went to school with. I called this woman, Elaine's her name, and we had the nicest chat. I just told her that I was a teacher myself, but wasn't feeling so secure about my own skills, and was really wanting some feedback and help to restore my confidence. Elaine said she had five slots opening in June, so I said I'd love one, and Elaine kindly informed my that it didn't work that way, that I would have to audition for a spot, and was I free the following morning for said audition? My mouth said "Yes" but my brain said"What the hell are you thinking? You have nothing performance ready. This will not go well." I was a nervous wreck all day. When I met Elaine in person, she was as delightful in real life as on the phone, and long story short: She agreed to teach me and she's not even making me wait until June. I start April 6 and I cried real tears because I was so grateful and happy.

Liza and I chatted soon after, and I realized that my frustration with life was coming from feeling thwarted and stuck in my personal growth. It's funny because we both agreed that being runners has opened our lives up in unexpected ways: When I first started running I just though it would be good exercise and that was all I expected from it, but as I got faster and started going longer, this light bulb slowly went on for me that just because I am getting on in years doesn't mean I'm through cultivating my talents. And succeeding in running gave me an unexpected gift: It gave me permission to be dissatisfied with other parts of my life, because I knew I could take action and change it. The seeds of discontent with piano have been growing for a while. While I am a somewhat successful piano teacher, it's been mostly because I'm a good teacher, not because I'm necessarily an awesome pianist. I'm decent, don't get me wrong, but I don't want to just be decent anymore- I want to push myself beyond what I have thought is possible for myself. One of the first things Elaine said to me yesterday was that I should be playing much harder music than I was, and she isolated a technique issue that I knew I had but didn't know how to fix, and she promised me she could make a difference. They were the words of an angel, because that's exactly what I wanted for myself. I'm so excited and rejuvenated.

Last, I was on Amazon this morning ordering a couple of books Elaine wanted me to have, and I ordered a cookbook on sauces. In fact, the title is "Sauces." Now, I'm really going to start nerding out here, but I have an obsession with pan sauces, namely how to make them.

So the next time we hang out, I'm going to run a half marathon, then play you a song, then cook you something delicious.