I Swore During Home Evening: Will My Blessings Be Pro-Rated?

Bruce and I decided that if we want our girls to wait until they are 30 to get married (it's the Hatch way, after all) that we better start indoctrinating them now. Monday night's FHE seemed like the perfect time and place to cleverly disguise my own personal opinions about marriage as doctrine. I find I'm a little more persuasive that way. Who wouldn't buy into the following: "If you get married too young Jesus won't hear your prayers anymore."? I didn't really say that, but we did talk about that getting married was a big decision not to be taken lightly. Then I asked, "Kate, how old do you think you need to be to get married?" "EIGHTEEN!" she shouted. "What in the hell?" I said. (Really! Where did she hear that? I couldn't disguise my shock.) "A HUNDRED!" she quickly amended. "Better," Bruce and I said in unison.


On a different topic, Bruce and I put our anger into action and cancelled our life insurance with AIG. If I had all day and a dictionary I still couldn't think of enough words to describe my disgust both as a customer and an American with those self-entitled, rationalizing, lying jerks. We were also motivated by the sad fact that if he or I were to actually persish, there was a good chance that AIG couldn't even write us a check that would clear the bank. We switched to Allstate- my recent good experiences with them have been a very persuasive argument as to why they should continue to receive our hard-earned money.


April Fool's was quiet here. Kate is just catching on about the jokes, but she can't keep a straight face or a natural affect so it was a fair guess on my part that I didn't actually have any spiders on my back. She also tried to tell me that I had a hole in my pants, but since I was wearing my "fashionably tattered" jeans, I just said, "Looks like you're right." She was a little bit frustrated about that one. The only "joke" was that we woke up to snow. Grrrr.


And a couple of random items: A Walmart opened by my house. It's a very big deal because until now, the closest store has been 10 or 15 minutes away. It is the nicest Walmart you'll ever see: all brick, nice landscaping, the works. Some are mad because the Walmart sells beer and is open on Sunday, but that's exactly why I like it. Just kidding. I'm not planning on any Sabbath Day beer runs, but I'm not so bothered if anyone else does. Besides, I believe the whole aisle of food storage supplies carried there should compensate for the little beer display.


I have been having weird dreams about my neighbors- on 3 seperate occasions. In the first, a neighbor of mine went to Africa and came back with one of those giant discs in her bottom lip. In the second, my old neighbor was young and he lectured me about how pointless it was to buy a car. "See that," he said, gesturing to his car in the driveway, "I've been renting that sucker for 5 years! It's the only way to not waste your money." And, in the third dream, a different neighbor's husband died, and she called me to play piano for her so that she could sing at his funeral. I was trying to play piano for her, and her daughter was turning pages for me, and they were both screwing up royally, and in my dream I was SO PEEVED because who tries to sing at their OWN HUSBAND'S FUNERAL? I need to lay off the caffeine.