Who could even concentrate on the vocals, when every single one of the contestants was dressed like the AI stylist had raided the reject closet from the Ice Capades?
We'll start with Paula: This show is on at 7:00. Please do not show 80% of your breasts to my 4 yr old. Your armpits are wrinkly now, so a woman of your age requires a little more coverage. Also, since I have HD, I also could see each individual speck of glitter on your chest, and it was OVERKILL.
Micheal Johns: I didn't realize it was possible for you to look so unsexy. Between the tapered leg pants, the shorty vest, and a shirt with a half sleeve, millions of women across the nation booted you out of their fantasies tonight. P.S. Neck Scarf=Hugh Hefner recall. Yuck.
Syesha: Okay, anything mean I would say would just be out of jealousy that you actually looked good in white skinny jeans. I can only dream.
Jason Castro: Your patchy five o-clock shadow is very unnerving. Again, with the tapered leg jeans!! I can't take it.
Kristy Lee: I'm pretty sure your tank top was actually Michelle Kwan's dress in the 2002 Olympics. Nude fabric with sequins on it just screams out "Ice skating flunkee."
David Cook: I appreciate your message written on your hand at the end of your song, "GIVE BACK." However, America would appreciate it if you would complete the message by opening your other hand, which read, "THIS JACKET."
Carly Smithson: I personally believe that there are few things in this world as flattering as a well-cut black pant. How hard did you have to work to find such cheap and crappy pair of pants? I could barely notice your gold woven belt. Whoopsy on that one as well, Carly.
David Acrchuleta: Not bad, at least it wasn't a sweater with an oversized blazer. However, next time you want to wear a western shirt, go to Cal Ranch. You'll find your size on the women's petites rack.
Brooke White: I can't rip on a girl who covers up her stuff and looks super cute week after week.
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4 comments:
I've never really even watched American Idol, but I laughed my head off at your fashion policing. I now have a visual of all the contestants though I don't know what any of them look like in real life except for the Utah kid, who is so cute. Thanks for providing me some insight into the AI world. I just might tune in next time to see more.
Give back, the jacket...oh, definitely one of your finest moments. Brooke, how can you not watch the Idol? It is fast becoming my little bit of heroin. Oh, and I was going to mention that Michael's scarf--were those paisleys on there?? Your analysis was dead on, only the Hef could pull that off and only because he is a walking STD.
Becca, are you having fantasies about Micheal Johns?
-Bruce
Beck, All I can add is that you could have spent more time on Paula...she is so weird!
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