An Embarassing Moment

Yesterday morning I went visiting teaching. It was against my will, as I had started shampooing my furniture, and I really wanted to finish. Selfish, I know. I am OBVIOUSLY the "junior companion" here. I was chatting at the front door with my companion and our victims, and Kiki ran amok. I bent down to pick her up, and RRRRRIIIIIIP! Here is a flash of my internal dialogue (picture me nodding, smiling, and carrying on a normal conversation all while thinking): "Sweet Mary! Did I just split my pants? There is NO WAY I could have split these pants! These are loose pants. I'll just act like I'm putting something in my pocket and reach back there and see what the damage is. I can't find a hole!! It's not right down the center, but I know I heard tearing. Do they think that noise was me farting? Where is that hole??? What in the crap did I eat today? I am eating nothing but Special K until the end of time. Let me switch Kiki to the other arm so I can explore the other half of my backside. Dang you, Kiki, this is all your fault. Oh! There it is! Act natural, now, act natural. I feel it along the pocket; damage is substantial. That sucker is at least five inches. I should have stayed in my stretchy stretchy sweats. Curse you, visiting teaching. If I nonchalantly switch my purse over there, is that going to cover it? NO!! Should I admit what has gone down or should I back up to my car? I hope I am not wearing holy underwear." All that in about three seconds. I finally wound up fessing up that I had split my pants open. All parties were very understanding and I made it to my car with a minimum of embarrassment, but I was never so relieved to be home. Of course, once home, who cares? I proceeded to wear the pants until I went to the gym that afternoon.