I'm kind of wreck lately. I feel like the last few weeks have been a non-stop, high speed race, and I want OFF. We have been so tightly scheduled that it is giving me tension in my neck- it's been there for weeks. I wish it was just one thing that was pushing me to my limits, but unfortunately it's multiple things so even if I were to eliminate something it wouldn't make any difference. I'd still have tension in my neck and a sick feeling in my stomach.
First issue: Kindergarten sucks ***. For me. Kate's having a good time. I have been a (shameful reveal) helicopter mom big time stressing out because Kate does not know a single soul in her class. There is one boy from church, but they are in different classes, so no familiarity there. I have found myself grilling her, "Who sits at your table with you? Do you know their names? Who do you play with? Have you practiced saying, 'Hi, my name is Kate?' Does anyone talk to you?" And I hear myself saying this stuff and I promise that my internal dialogue is SCREAMING OUT to just drop it and yet I can't. And I know I am going to start stressing her out but I am like a druggie here, and I have this mental picture of my sweet girl sitting alone day in and day out. My neighbor, who is also Kate's former pre-school teacher, talked me down yesterday. She reminded me that Kate is very independent, that Kate knows how to make friends, and that Kate is so not bothered by this situation. I shouldn't project my own insecurities on to her, but that is easier said than done. No sooner was I off suicide watch on that matter then I attended Back to School Night and found out that a whole bunch of Kate's class is reading. Here's what I thought, verbatim: KINDERGARTNERS READ??!??! I have totally let her down. She is plenty smart enough, I just haven't helped her. Then add to that the fact that my relatively unscheduled life has become a flurry of daily, weekly, and monthly calendars and tasks and honestly, I just wish there was a cake sitting around so I could eat it all.
And know what else? Kate is oblivious to ALL of this. She loves kindergarten. I'm an idiot. I know this on a logical level. I know I am being totally irrational and freaking out for no reason. I know I should not wrap myself up in this too much. I'm trying. I am.
Second Issue: Primary Program. 4 weeks until...what should I call it? The implosion? The detonation? Pray for me, my Presidency, and these kids who aren't going to know what hit them.
Third Issue: We leave on vacation in 36 hours and I have done absolutely nothing to be ready for it. I have packing to do, groceries to buy, a house to clean, and deep cleansing breaths to take.
There are more issues, but I need to put my kids to bed.
I have appreciated well meaning advice from those who have told me to "Stick with what's important" and "Only do what matters" but, seriously, what exactly should I quit doing? Should I quit being a mom? Should I quit being the Primary President? (Maybe...) Should I quit working out? It is my only link to sanity. Should I quit cooking, canning, or doing laundry? Should I quit teaching piano? Because it's not like I'm sitting around reading magazines, or lunching with my friends, or having weekly spa trips. I'm sick of this.
Mona 5th Ward primary families
9 months ago
7 comments:
I applaud you for doing anything actually. Sometimes if I hit the point of overwhelm-sion I find my self laying face up on the floor staring into oblivion feeling sorry for myself. Oh yeah it happens more often then you'd think.
You know what I say? Eff everything, go to Costco and get yourself a nice big piece of cheesecake.
I'm sure of two things:
1-Overwhelm-sion is not a word.
2-Costco has the best cheesecake.
i would like to officially welcome you to motherhood! (It doesn't really start until you question and doubt EVERYTHING you have done as a mother.) I too am a helicopter parent. People will tell you to stop, but it is not possible, so just go with it. I know all the students and teachers at the school by first name (as well as their husbands and children). The principal just smiles and shakes her head when she sees me come in the door. As long as you are not in denial about the hovering it's fine.
If I lived closer, I bring you my world famous chocolate cake. I brought it into work last week, and it seemed to do wonders around the office. Also, I really don't think kindergartners need to be reading. It's quite ridiculous really. Reading is for first grade--at least that's when I learned, and I think I turned out okay. Besides, Kate is a smartie. She'll pick it up when it's right. Not only that, she'll thank you for not being the kind of partent that forced her to do something before she was ready. Okay, no go enjoy your vacation and leave kindergarten worries, PP worries, canning worries, etc. behind. Can't wait to hear all about it. Hugs!
Having been where you are twice in the past two years, (minus the primary program, piano, and canning of course) I can tell you that the whole reading or not reading thing is less important than you think. It levels out very quickly. I also worried a ton about DB and the friend thing. He came home a few times saying that a kid was mean and it took everything to not go choke the offending child out. But it is part of the learning process, negotiating the social scene. Kate's going to do great. I hope you enjoy your trip! Hang in there!
Aw, helicopter Mom. I didn't even know this term, but it fits me to a T! Here's me, "So, tell me all about recess." "Who was there?" "Who was playing?" "What did you say?" "What did you say?" etc, etc, which is my way of saying, "Are you making friends?"
For Owen and Bennett there are 2 very different answers to this question, and yet they both love school. Bennett can't seem to stop socializing all day long, and we have already received a phone call from his teacher! And then there's sweet Owen, who tells me he didn't play with anyone at recess, but smiles at me and says, "It's okay, Mom! I was busy counting to 199." And who tells me he doesn't talk to classmates during the day because it's against the rules. Things seem a little unbalanced between these 2 brothers, and yet, they truly are both happy doing things their way.
I am waiting for that magical moment when Owen finds a little buddy. I know it will happen, because surely there are lots of little kindergartners going home every night to their worried mothers because they have not yet made a friend. It takes time.
I don't know if it ever gets easier to bear watching your kids sort through all the intricacies of friendship making, but my hunch is that it gets harder. Much harder.
As far as reading goes... I agree with your other readers. Don't even sweat it! Kate will LOVE learning to read, and, after all, what else would she be doing all year this year? This is what it's all about, and she will love it.
As far as all the craziness surrounding you in your life right now... I love people telling me to let something go. Uh, okay. Sorry children/ husband/ calling, I've got to let you go. I think better advice would be to hire a housecleaner and do just what you are doing-- get outta town.
It's gonna get better. It's almost sweater weather after all. xoxo
Oh, Becca, dear Becca! There is not one mother that has not felt like you do right now. Take a deep breath. Remember there is a Walmart on every corner so don't worry about packing. Just get in the car and go.
Some children just seem to pick up reading on their own. Kate will live learning because everything will be new and exciting. Some children get bored when they alread know what is being taught.
Relax and enjoy your trip. You have had way to many things lately like house guest!!!!
You are a great Mom!! I am so proud of you. Your Primary Program will go fine. Just have someone ready to read the parts to the children if they forget or don't know their part.
I am praying for you and Bruce and the girls so have a great trip.
Thanks for being you! We love and admire you.
Love,
Mom and Dad
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