Specifically, the high wire. I am trying so hard to keep my balance. Only in motherhood, if I fall, others get hurt.
What's complicated about motherhood is that the easiest thing in the short run frequently has the worst consequences in the long run. It would be easier for me to let the girls watch as much TV as they want, and eat what they want, and stay up as late as they want, and treat others how they want. Yet, a decade from now, when I have a rude, slovenly, and lazy kid the suffering is really going to start. Mine and theirs. So I walk the tightrope between too much structure and not enough, too much fun and not enough, too much discipline and not enough, and I've got to be honest and say that I constantly worry that I'm not doing things right.
What's complicated about motherhood is that the easiest thing in the short run frequently has the worst consequences in the long run. It would be easier for me to let the girls watch as much TV as they want, and eat what they want, and stay up as late as they want, and treat others how they want. Yet, a decade from now, when I have a rude, slovenly, and lazy kid the suffering is really going to start. Mine and theirs. So I walk the tightrope between too much structure and not enough, too much fun and not enough, too much discipline and not enough, and I've got to be honest and say that I constantly worry that I'm not doing things right.
And guess what? There's actually no such thing as the "right" way to be a mom. After Kate I thought I had all the answers, but along came Kiki and very little of my previous experience applied. It is so easy to look at others and think, "I would never let my kid go out looking like that," or "I would never let my kid say that," or "I can't believe she would tolerate that," and I say in defense of all mothers,
"She is doing the best that she can, and chances are good that she has got her reasons."
None of us has all the answers.
"She is doing the best that she can, and chances are good that she has got her reasons."
None of us has all the answers.
I am friends with a woman who is, by all accounts, pretty darn amazing. As I have watched her at church or around the neighborhood I have thought to myself, "There goes a woman who is doing everything right." She is currently going through a struggle that I do not envy, not in the least. And while I have no doubt that she is going to come through it just fine, she is scraping bottom to get through breakfast today. I realize that even the best mothers will see their children make mistakes and experience failures and hurt that they can't take away. It is going to happen to all of us.
I suppose that therein lies the comfort for us- motherhood can truly be a universal experience when we let it. We all are on the tightrope- what good can come of judging, or criticizing, or gossiping? We are all consumed with an infinite love for our children, we all fear for their futures, we all think this is a crazy world, and we all would do anything for them.
The tie which links mother and child is of such pure and immaculate strength as to be never violated. ~Washington Irving
5 comments:
I love your writing, Becca.
I have cried in front of people like 6 times this week about this very topic. I know I can blame most of my emotion on pregnancy and hormones running amok. But I have to tell you that I appreciate your post because it has helped me to see a certain situation in my life from a different perspective. One of my kids was deeply hurt by very unkind words and shameful actions by another child this week in the presence of his mother, who did nothing except laugh along with him. My mother bear instinct kicked in full force, and I broke the cardinal rule of not getting involved in my kids' battles. You know. I was THAT mom. But I realize that I need to let go of those feelings toward both the offending kid and mom. We come from different backgrounds, and have different life experiences, and yes, we are on the tightrope together. I only hope she can forgive me too. Crap. Does this mean I'm going to have to apologize?! Well, thanks anyway, Becca. Love ya.
So so true and eloquently put. The deeper in the trenches of motherhood I get, the less I judge. Any smugness I ever had about the topic has melted away in the past couple months for sure.
You rock Becca!! Motherhood is by far the hardest thing I have ever done, and yet my heart keeps asking for more. My mom always says that if a kid has parents who love them they can get them through almost anything. I also love the quote, "there is no one way to be a perfect mother but there are a million ways to be a good one!!!" You are a good one! You love your kids. Keep it up!
ahhh....sigh....thank you!
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