Past, Present, and Future

We celebrated my dad's birthday on Sunday. I think a good time was had by all.

I made my delicious chocolate layer cake for the second time in 4 days.

(That's 10 sticks of butter, if you are into keeping track of those sorts of things. If you aren't, forget you ever read this.)

The Shelton's drove all the way from Pocatello for the occasion, then turned around and drove all the way back on the same day. I think my dad was very surprised to see them- we kept it a secret that they were coming. I know it meant a lot to Jack that they made the sacrifice of a 400 mile round trip to come to his party, and it got my wheels turning in my mind about my family.

I sat around my dining table Sunday night with my nearest and dearest and all I could think was, "These are people who I have known and loved almost my whole entire life." There is so much shared history there- we know almost everything about each other (and frankly, we probably know at least a few things we SHOULDN'T know. It keeps us close because you don't want to make an enemy of someone who might let it spill that you once spent a long weekend in jail.). I think that the past has knit us together- our shared experiences and mutual love binds us together in a way that feels so permanent.

Monday morning I attended the funeral of my step-dad's father. George and my mom have been married for 5 years, and between the two of them they have 9 grown children and 8 children-in-law. It's a big group, and until the day our parents married each other, we hadn't met. We instantaneously earned the title of "family" but without all of the shared history to bond us. I think I've said before that it's pretty damn easy for adult step-siblings to go on as before if they want, and maybe see each other on the major holidays and call it good. Happily, I feel like the Barratt/Hunter bunch has chosen something different. While I don't know what they were like in elementary school, or who their first boyfriend was, or what college was like for them, what I do know is that I plan on being there when they have children, or make big changes, or experience losses. And while we are still working on a shared history to bind us, we instead have the promise of the future to bind us.

On Monday night, Bruce and I went out to celebrate our ninth anniversary. Bruce and I had both been married before, and we went into this marriage with our eyes wide open about what we expected from each other and what we were willing to give of ourselves. We both firmly believe that two people who both want to stay married will do it, no matter what the circumstances, and we also believe that a marriage requires near constant attention (Some married people call that "work" and I think that referring to it as such makes marriage seem like a pretty crappy time.). My marriage seems like a combination of past history and future promise- we have been together almost 11 years now and have had some amazing times and some terrible times. We have seen each other at our best and worst, and we choose to go on for more. I will never sit back and feel like my marriage is a sure thing or a guarantee, because I know that it isn't. No matter how much we have shared in the past, it all can be undone in moments if we were to choose otherwise in the future. I chose Bruce the day I married him, I choose him today, and I will choose him tomorrow.

Whether grounded in the past, or promised for the future, or a little of both, I have felt really lucky the past few days to have an amazing family.