Thoughts and Feelings One Month In

This might not be the best place to teach my children about diversity...

I really thought that by moving here my children would see that the world was made up of all kinds of different people, but here is what actually went down: I moved them from a place where everyone was the same including them to a place where everyone is the same except for them.  There are probably around a half of a million ex-pats in the Philippines, but there are 24 million people in Manila alone, so the reality is that we can go all day and not see another white person.  We are a freak show.  Everywhere we go, people stare at us.  I feel like a huge, white, sweating giant.  Everyone is always very nice, but they are also very curious.  We get asked constantly where we come from, how old the girls are, what are their names, and so on.  We were playing at the playground and I sent Kate to gather up Kiki, and she took forever.  When she finally showed with her sister I said, "What took you so long?" and she replied, "People kept wanting to take my picture."

So much for the simple life...

I honestly felt that moving here would be a great opportunity for us to learn to live with less: less toys, less clutter, less of everything.  In some ways, that has happened.  We are happy with so much less stuff than we have in the states- the girls' toys fill one little cupboard, we have just a few clothes, my kitchen has the bare minimum, we have no car.  The irony is that even with what I would consider a very minimal lifestyle, compared to most Filipino people, we are rich.  Make that filthy rich.  And it is obvious to my kids, especially when we go out and see the deplorable conditions that many people live in- incredible expanses of shanties made from cinder blocks and corrugated metal and piled basically on top of each other.  I really want to take a picture but I'm a little self-conscious because I have the sneaking suspicion that our driver lives in such a place.  Which kind of leads me to my next thought.

Don't believe the hype...

Everywhere we go it's "Ma'am" and "Sir" and for those who know us now by name we are "Ma'am Becca" and "Sir Bruce."  (He kind of digs that.)  We heard from several that Filipinos love Americans and they love to serve us.  Lately though, I've thought, "These people just know where their bread is buttered."  Maybe they do love Americans and maybe they do love to serve, but maybe they just know that making "rich" Americans happy is a great way to make a buck.  The thing that kills me is that very few Americans here are actually wealthy at all.  They are subsidized by the government or their places of employment (we sure as heck are) and if they weren't, most couldn't afford the lifestyle that they live here.  It is a big game of Pretend. I know for sure I couldn't afford full-time domestic help or a driver at home. If we aren't careful, it is so easy to start to buy in, to start to feel like we deserve special treatment (we haven't waited for a table in a restaurant yet, even when there's a huge line of people out front), and that leads to the worst kind of entitlement- feeling like you deserve something when you've done very little to earn it.  Bruce and I were talking last night and we agreed that if you buy into the hype before you know it you are acting like a Kardashian.  To be sure, though, I have met a lot of nice people here who aren't Kardashians at all, but we also have all discussed the dangers of this artificial lifestyle.

My leisure has never come at a higher price...

19 Books.  That's what I've read in the last 4 weeks.  It's hard not to sound like a total ass saying, "I'm so sick of reading by the pool..." but that's kind of how I feel.  School for the girls takes a couple of hours max, and then we still have 12 hours to fill.  My kids are in heaven...it's swimming, cartoons, little field trips, and non-stop attention from me.  Every night when we do "Rose and Thorn," they say, "My whole day was a rose."  Well, of course it was because they are in kid heaven.  I don't have a personality that is well suited to this kind of leisure, especially because my leisure is afforded by Bruce's completely insane work schedule.  We knew that it would be this way, but it doesn't make the hours any easier.  He is still managing a team in the States, so it isn't unusual for him to work a regular work day, come home for dinner, then head back into the office and work from 8 p.m. until 1 or 2 a.m.  I think he had 30 hours in by Tuesday night this week.  It's a completely unbalanced load and I'd be a fool not to see it.  I hate it, though, and would give anything to lighten his load and/or fill up my days with something that seems a little more worthwhile.  I totally get why the Real Housewives get so obsessed with their appearances and their little fights and their stupid charity balls: Because they are Bored. Out. Of. Their. Minds.

2 Hours later...

I wrote the above and then went out with Bruce and the girls and am now re-reading, and I think maybe it sounds a little negative.  I'm leaving it though, because these are really the things that I have felt and thought lately.  I do want to balance it out by saying that we are really glad for the opportunity to be here.  Every society has its ups and downs, and we are experiencing both.  I've talked about the negatives today, but overall we are having a great experience here.  This is a beautiful place and we continually meet and associate with the nicest people.  I don't think I've had a negative interaction with anyone here.  I am trying to be more relaxed and realize how lucky I am to have these months to focus solely on being with my family with very few distractions.  The girls love it here, and Bruce, while working hard, has the benefit of feeling like what he has been asked to do is possible and achievable.  We are making some great friends and are truly fascinated every day by our experiences.  So hopefully no one reads this post and thinks I'm down on the Philippines, because nothing could be further from the truth.