I Hope Your Hearing Isn't What It Used To Be...

Man, was I on a tear this morning. I'm hosting the Primary Party in the backyard on Saturday, so I was trying to get the back deck and the girls' play area cleaned up today. I was sweeping about a cubic yard of sand out of the playhouse when I thought to myself, "Why in the heck am I doing all the work out here when the two who made this giant mess are inside watching Spongebob?" I hollered at the girls to get outside and lend a hand, which they did, if by "lend a hand" I actually meant "play in the sandbox." Then I was SERIOUSLY peeved. I tried to be all "philosophical mom" with them first: "How do you think Grandpa feels when he sees you've filled the playhouse he built you with sand?" "What do you think your friends will say if our yard isn't nice when they come to our party?" That didn't go so good, so I switched from "philosophical mom" to "drill sergeant." Kate's fate was sealed when she remarked, "Cleaning up is so BOOOOO-RING." That was all I needed to abandon "drill sergeant" for "Kim Jong-il" (including the weapons testing). I pretty much lost it. Here's a random sampler: "YOU think cleaning up is boring? You're the one who made this mess. How much fun do you think I'm having when I had nothing to do with this disaster?" "If your stuff is worth so little to you that you can't be bothered to take care of it, how about I just take it away?" "Why do you think any request from me is an invitation to have a big debate about what you are willing to do? It isn't. When I ask you to do something, JUST DO IT." I was getting all high-pitched and working on some nice volume when Kate remarked, "Look, there's Brother Seeley. I wonder if he's mowing the lawn today." Sure enough, my mild-mannered neighbor to the back was working right along our property line, and had been bearing witness to the whole sordid scene for who knows how long. I hope he wears hearing aids, and I hope they were OUT. I'm so embarrassed.