Here's What Makes Me Feel Better...

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE!!!!

This has got to be my favorite show on TV right now, and I will tell you why. I love to watch others dance, mainly because while I do have rhythm, I have very little natural dancing ability. I also like that the judges actually critique the dancer's skills instead of just saying, "Your face looks like a baboon." The last thing is that Kate loves to watch with me, and we have special bonding time.

Here's a few updates:

New toilet: $130. Phone Call to Jack to install new toilet: 1 cent. Toll taken on father/daughter relationship when new toilet fails to install as expected: infinite. Phone call to plumber: 1 cent. New toilet PLUS professional installation: $300. Sound of flushing from hall bathroom: PRICELESS.

I'm bearing weight on the injured foot and there's hardly a trace of limp. I doubt a pedicure is in my near future, but I think a complete recovery is in order.

I went to the doctor for a follow up on my suspected thyroid issue, and it looks like that isn't really the reason for the dizzy spells and nausea I've been having. And no, I am not pregnant. Anyhooo, Dr M thinks it is an inner ear thing, and that more likely than not it will resolve itself over the next few weeks. If not, we will start to investigate other causes. Like brain tumors and lymphoma. I was really happy with my Dr today, because I feel like so many doctors just throw drugs at you, and I really didn't want to leave the office with a handful of prescriptions and a feeling of doom.

I had a great conversation with my sis-in-law today. After yesterday's I'm a winner/loser conversation, we both had the same revelation today...(get a pencil so you can write it down, just kidding) How can I feel like life is unfair and God isn't there for me, when there is obviously more that I can be doing to get my life in order? I have definitely fallen out of some good habits, and it is just dumb of me to expect a lot when I haven't delivered a lot. At a minimum, I know I would feel more equipped to deal with what life hands out. I always seem to learn the hard way. Maybe one of these days I will evolve enough to be a little bit wiser about life.

I totally just had a Doogie Howser flashback because I typed the moral of the story at the end of a heartfelt tale. NERDY!! And if you are too young to remember Doogie Howser, MD, don't mention it to me. I'm still feeling fragile.

I've Had a Bad Day....

This weekend was one of those times that it seemed like EVERYTHING went wrong. I use the past tense in the desperate hope that our bad luck is nearing an end. I am trying to see the good in things but this is getting ridiculous.

On Saturday morning, Bruce had a flash drive in his mouth (don't ask me why...maybe he was trying to download all of his thoughts for my future reference), and he sneezed and aspirated the little cap on the end. For a few scary moments there I thought I would be giving the Heimlich, but he managed to choke it out.

The Dog Brush Incident: Reference earlier entry.

Bruce paid for the UFC fights and then it didn't record to the DVR. Unfortunately we were at the instacare, so Bruce was unable to intervene until it was half over.

On Monday, I asked Kate to flush the toilet, and she said, "This water isn't going down; this water is coming UP!" I took the lid off of the tank to stop the water from running while I plunged the toilet, and when I slid the lid back onto the tank, it fell into the tank and broke the bottom of the tank. I had ceramic shards and toilet water everywhere, and all I could think was "I have ten puncture wounds in my foot. You are going to have to do this one footed." I screamed bloody murder for Bruce for the second time in 48 hours.

Unfortunately, the toilet incident caused a leak in the downstairs bedroom. Bruce had just barely patched the ceiling from the last leak.

Indiana Jones is kind of a stupid movie.

This sounds so negative!! I find myself wondering if I am being punished for something. Fortunately I have laughed with my sis-in-law Cheryl. We have had a little pity party contest. Her entries today: She got called to be den mother, and a random stranger threatened to call the police on her. I thought perhaps she was the clear winner, but then Kiki dumped out about a gallon of maple syrup, so I had to call her back to say, "I AM THE WINNER!! Or do I mean loser????"

In all seriousness, I know times like these are supposed to happen in life. I know that I need to be learning things, and growing stronger, and becoming a better person. How do I overcome these feelings of frustration then? I was feeling so stressed out already just by life in general, so additional stressors just feel like a really cruel joke.

Tomorrow has to be a better day...

Happy Birthday, Charlie!!

Charlie is like most two year old boys:He is obsessed with fire.

He is a little mischievous.

He is very masculine.

On second thought...

The Furminator, Part Deux: A Photo Essay

The conversation went like this:

Liza: I know you are still mad about the furminator, but would you be bitter if I tried the furminator on Shooter and Reno?

Becca: Knock yourself out. But if you leave it spikes up sitting on the deck, there is going to be a fight.The dehairing begins. Reno finds it oddly soothing.

As the hair piles up, Liza's disgust grows. "Sick! I can't believe there is this much hair on my dog! I need to get me one of these! Shelton! Get out of bed and come take a look at this pile of dog hair!"

Shooter is a more unwilling victim. Moments after this picture he makes a break for it.

However, he also makes a crucial tactical error by hiding in the playhouse. No way out, Shooter. Never run to a place with only one entrance. That's basic military training.

There is a tennis ball hidden under this massive pile of hair. Reno was undeterred by the fuzz.
Even I can't argue that the furminator is not effective. However, it is dangerous if used improperly. Or properly- all that hair is enough to make a person SICK.

Do Not Read This If You Are Squeamish

Although many of my blog friends have raved about "The Furminator" dog hair removal brush, I must confess that I no longer feel the same way. Oh yes, it definitely removes dog hair. That's not wear the trouble lies. This evening, I was carrying out the guinea pig cage for a cleaning (we are pig-sitting, not new additions to the family), and I STEPPED ON THE FURMINATOR. Bare foot. For anyone unfamiliar, the furminator has a single row of heavy duty metal spikes attached to a dog brush handle. It was like stepping on a row of penny nails, and I could not get it out on my own- Bruce had to yank it out of my foot. So now I have a nice row of puncture wounds across the ball of my foot.
I sought care at the local instacare. Generally, I don't name names, but here is the straight dope on the IHC INSTACARE located at 1600 North and State street in Orem. DO NOT SEEK MEDICAL CARE HERE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I waited for almost two hours, waited another 1/2 hour in the room for the doctor (I won't name her name, but she was indifferent at best), and then nurse and doctor inexplicably disappeared. I finally just left after over three hours. I received no instructions for how to care for my foot, and even though I obviously can't walk on it, nobody there seemed to care how I would be getting around for the next few days. I think I just had a taste of what socialized medicine would be like. I am extremely dissatisfied to say the very least. I doped up on Advil and I guess I'll pray my foot doesn't fall off.

Official American Idol Analysis

Point #1: Maybe it's the HD, maybe it's that Bruce insisted upon the 60" TV. Either way, Ryan Seacrest was wearing at least TWO coats of black mascara. Who's idea was that?

Point #2: The boxing match analogy grew tired in the first 30 seconds.

Point #3: Paula Abdul is the queen of the overly-obvious-song-reference-analogy. Example A: "David Cook, maybe you haven't found what you were looking for, but America has found what they are looking for!!" Example B: "David Archuleta, the sun will NEVER go down on you!" Lame, but to Paula's credit it is really hard to think of things to say when you have had 20 Vicodin and a fifth of vodka today.

That is all.

Another Zinger From Kate

I begged and begged Kate to eat some dinner- we were having a delicious homemade chicken pot pie. "Kate, will you please eat some dinner?" I said. She replied, "I would if you would ever cook something GOOD."

We Eat Out TOO MUCH!!

Last night I was swinging with Kiki in the hammock, and Kate was busily playing in her playhouse. Kate brought a plate of plastic food over to us and said, "Here's your number 25."

Summer Nights

In the first week of my freshman year of college, I met Julie. We were girl soul mates from the start, and have had a lot of good times over the years. We have had each other to laugh with and lean on in thick and thin. I was pretty dismayed when she, her husband, and daughter moved to Louisiana a few years back. Happily, she and her family (two daughters now!) just moved back. We were able to spend some time with them tonight. Finally the weather is warm enough to sit outside and visit! Julie's husband Kurt made the most delicious ribs. I am not a fan of ribs, but I could go on and on about how tasty these ribs were.

I think Rebecca enjoyed the key lime cheesecake I made as much as I enjoyed her daddy's BBQ.
I don't want to brag, but it was pretty good.

This is as good as it gets as far as a photo goes for the older girls. They spent just a couple of minutes warming up to each other, and then came upstairs to announce they were now best friends. They were then a blur of activity for the rest of the evening. Hence the far away photo.

Bath time. These girls played hard, and they left the gray bath water to prove it.

Extreme Makeover Hatch Edition

I like to have a little project at all times. I think I make Bruce crazy with my one, five, and ten year plans for our house. Here's a couple of things I have been working on lately.Before

After
The headboard is an old screen door from my mom's house in American Fork. It was such a pretty color that I just had to find a way to use it. Doesn't it look cozy? I am taking reservations for the summer season.

Before

After

I had a weird empty spot but I just couldn't find the right thing for it. Yesterday was the perfect shopping day for two reasons. Reason #1: My sweet mother-in-law sent me a little money for Mother's Day with a request to spend it on something fun for myself (easily done). Reason #2: Lindsay and I found these awesome chairs. I even negotiated the lady down to half price. Don't think too much of my negotiation skills, because the owner of the store seemed eager to be rid of them. I am so excited! Now it is on to my next projects- the other guest room and the office.

Porter turns 5!

The birthday boy with his alien cake.

John, Lindsay, and Merrilee enjoy the sunshine.

Kate made friends with a puppy.

Maybe this is the reason Kiki has been sick so much lately. Yes, she is drinking pool water.

Happy Birthday, Liza!!

Liza's birthday was yesterday, and in honor of her, here are a few things about my sister that I think make her totally awesome.

1. She considers cable TV a luxury.
2. She can stick to a grocery budget like you wouldn't believe.
3. She went on a mission, and she knew that while she was gone USU was converting to semesters and it was going to set her back, but she stuck to her guns and went to Russia.
4. She has the courage to tell people the truth about what it's going to take to lose weight. And I quote, "You are going to need to sweat on this machine."
5. Not that it worked, but she did make an honest effort to re-activate my dad.
6. She had a baby first and gave me the straight dope about pregnancy, birth, and nursing. (In summary, they pretty much all suck but are worth it)
7. She had four callings in her ward and still didn't go inactive.
8. In junior high, she let me borrow her Guess? overalls whenever I wanted. That kind of stuff MATTERS in junior high, in case you've forgotten.
9. two words: Natural Childbirth.
10. She can set her mind to accomplish anything. She has done triathlons, half marathons, and qualified for the Boston Marathon. Sick.

Love you, Liza! You are a great wife and mom, and an awesome sister. I hope you had a happy birthday!

Kate Sings the Blues

Kate has a super hard life. What with all the rules, restrictions, and chores, it's no wonder that she breaks into a sad, sad song every now and again. Here is what she sang this morning:

I work so hard
I never rest
I can't take a break
To catch some birds.

For the record, at the time she was singing this, she wasn't scrubbing toilets, sweeping the garage, or picking cotton. She was turning her cardboard airplane into a cardboard piano instead. Backbreaking, really.

Putting It Out in the Universe

First of all, we tried to get a decent family picture on Mother's Day, which was impossible!

Maggie bites my arm.

Missing Bruce, Maggie runs away.

As good as it gets, I guess.

Mother's Day was fun. I took the liberty of saving Bruce the stress of wondering what to get me, and went ahead and purchased my own presents. He did help Kate pick out a funny card and a Spongebob basketball hoop for me. (And a watch.) We went to lunch with Lindsay and Preston, George and Merrilee, and Dan, Angie, and Porter. Then we just hung out at home. Pretty low key. There was no Mother's Day breakfast in bed, mainly because Bruce had to speak in sacrament, so his stress level was running a little high. He spoke on righteous women, and since he has such a great mom, he had plenty of material.

As far as the title of this entry goes, I decided to teach piano lessons. I figured if it was supposed to happen, then things would just fall into place. I'm not naive enough to think that life always works that way, but I felt that if the Lord wanted me to work that He would open up a way. I decided that 10 to 12 students would be about right for me, so I started putting the word out about a week ago. All it took was a week and some word of mouth and I have nine students already. I am excited and nervous. Hopefully I still have some skills.

Tonight is the season finale of The Bachelor! Lindsay is over and we are rooting for Chelsea.

A Pedicure and a "Man"-icure

Last night was date night, and since I really wanted a pedicure, I persuaded Bruce that he would really enjoy one as well. To his credit, he was a good sport about it, and I truly thought he would enjoy it. I made an appointment at our local place, and just as I thought, he loved the leg and foot massage, and even let the lady put some clear polish on his toes. He also got business minded with our nail tech, telling her she should have a date night special, and give discounted pedicures to husbands. This morning I saw Jack and said, "You'll never guess what Bruce and I did on our date last night." Jack: "I don't want to hear about THAT kind of stuff." Me: "Don't be a perv. I took him for a pedicure, and he totally dug it." Jack: "Sounds pretty gay to me." Me: "It's only gay if a man goes alone." Let's not kid ourselves, Jack would rather have ten root canals than have a stranger touch him in any way (especially if he has to reveal his legs), but I think Bruce would go again. On a date night, anyway.

This Blog is KILLING My Attempts at Casual Conversation

By now it has probably happened to anyone who is blogging. You start to tell someone about something cute your kid said or did, and they kindly interrupt by saying, "Oh yeah, I read about that on your blog." Then what do you do? It momentarily paralyzes me, while I try to think of some equally amusing anecdote that I HAVEN'T blogged about. No luck. I think it would be presumptuous to start every conversation with, "Do you read my blog?" which could be so easily misconstrued as, "I don't have time for this conversation, so check out my thoughts on-line and on your own time. Thanks."

I could not pry this tater tot out of Kiki's hands. She is dead asleep and still keeping her kung fu death grip on the tot.

Today Kiki had a little check-up. We love our pediatrician. He is busy I'm sure, but he always takes the time to answer your questions and chat about life. He determined that Maggie is normal, even though she says very little. He reassured me that it's quite common for second children to speak later on. As long as she's hearing and communicative, there is no reason to worry just yet. I also asked about the thumb sucking, and he said that I should do nothing, that it is self soothing for her, and we can address it later (like when she's dating, ha ha).

Maggie is a big girl. She weighed in at 24 lb 7 oz (71st percentile) and is 33.1 inches tall (96th percentile). I guess all that eating is just fueling her growing body!

The Agony and the Ecstasy...Wait, just Agony.

Poor little Maggie had a bout with food poisoning the night before last. The fun started at about ten p.m., and I literally did not sleep a wink until 5 that morning. We were racing to the bathroom every few minutes. I felt so bad for Maggie. She would cry and cry. I myself have cried while puking quite a few times, so I know how she felt. About five, she kept some liquids down, so I woke up Bruce and went to bed for two hours. Bruce was nice enough to stay home from work yesterday, so I did get a nap in the afternoon, but frankly three hours of sleep in a 24 hour period is just enough to give me a nervous breakdown. Kiki is enjoying a breakfast of saltines and yogurt so I think she is going to pull through.

Bruce and I saw "Ironman" this weekend. It is actually a pretty good movie. I can't say I am in to action flicks, or comic book flicks, or Gwyneth Paltrow, so I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

My babysitter had Prom this weekend. I made her bout and corsage and helped her with her make-up. It made me flash forward in life, thinking it wouldn't seem like long before I was helping my own girls. Paige gives me hope, because she is a super fun and cute girl, but she is so not shallow, and seems to have a lot of things figured out. The student body president had asked her to prom, and she was so excited. I am glad to know that my girls won't have to be Barbie dolls to get a date in high school. I will be so happy if they turn out like Paige.

One last thing about Kate. I had said something about Bruce being annoying, and Kate said, "You're not annoying, Daddy. Annoying is what I do."

It's May First, for Pete's Sake!!

I needed proof for my Phoenix family that it has indeed snowed in May.
These are not trick photos; I took them just this morning. Yes, that is snow on the ground. It happened last night, and although it is just a light dusting, the psychological impact is huge. Why can't it just be spring????