Um, It's a Roller Coaster, You PERVERT!

Snapshots of My Life

Kate thinks she knows sign language. Her arms and hand flap about, then she looks at me expectantly with her head cocked to the side, thinking, I'm sure, "Isn't she going to answer?" I take a stab at it, "No, I don't feel so hungry." A dismayed look from Kate. I try again, "Sure, I'll read you a book." Disgust coats her face. "Mommy, I was asking you to turn down the TV." Like I'm mentally impaired because I can't figure out her (not real!) sign language. I don't want to crush her, so we continue on: Kate wildly gesturing; me praying I get it right this time.

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It was a busy weekend. Barbecue with the Hunter bunch (We missed you, Amber); dinner on Sunday with friends; planning the flowers for a wedding. I'm also polishing up my floors with a product purchased off of an infomercial. Yes, the price was $19.95, and a bonus bottle thrown in for "free." Bruce mocked me until, as it turns out, the stuff actually worked. What do you know?

I must also reveal the secrets to the tastiest cake I've eaten in a long time (I hate to brag, but I made it myself): First, David's Yellow Cake from Allrecipes: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Davids-Yellow-Cake/Detail.aspx

Second, frost it with buttercream icing, but instead of milk, use pureed fruit. You can thank my step-sis Amber for the tip. I used strawberries. Delicious.

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Monday and Tuesday nights are always a little rough. I teach piano until 5:30 and rarely seem to plan dinner, so I inevitably find myself at 5:45 with 2 starving kids, a husband on the way home, staring into a cupboard that seems to hold no answers to my dinnertime dilemma. The girls were particular cranky, I felt my temper growing short, and instead of flipping out, I said, "Let's dance!" Kate and Kiki were immediately game. I turned on my Ipod, and "Cowboy Take Me Away" began blaring. It was fitting to my mood. I grabbed the girls' hands, we spun around. We danced around the island copying each others' "moves." We fell to our backs on the kitchen floor and kicked our legs around. We laughed. I'm proud of myself- I had a choice to snap or not. I chose to not. I don't usually. Good for me. Feel free to positively reinforce me now.

Irrational Fears and the Small Appliance Graveyard

Recently a few of Kiki's fears have come to our attention. They seem strange and inexplicable.

I rarely wash my car. Bruce would say, "Never," and he'd be just about right. However, once in a blue moon I'll drive the old 4-runner through the automatic car wash. It's a foreign experience for my kids. "What is this magical thing?" Kate asked in awe the first time we drove through one together. The statement offers a couple of clues: first, she was totally fascinated about what most would consider a mundane task; second, she was old enough to talk the FIRST time we were ever in a car wash together. While Kate's reaction is on the "curiosity" end of the spectrum, Kiki's in on the "complete and total panic as to why we have driven the car into a lake" end of the spectrum. Yesterday, a wash was a must, but Kate took the reins and talked Kiki through it: "Kiki, remember: it's just a car wash. It won't hurt us, so don't cry."

Yesterday was also my brother John's birthday. Kiki's second irrational fear is of the "Happy Birthday" song. She HATES IT. She literally crumples into the fetal position in tears the instant the cheerful refrain begins. I was so transfixed by her reaction that I didn't even take any pictures during my brother's birthday song (Sorry about that, John.). And no, the exposure to both fears in a single day wasn't some desperate and ill-conceived attempt at desensitization.

Ironically, public nudity doesn't faze Kiki in the slightest.

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It's been a bad couple of weeks for small electrics around here. First the George Foreman went into the trash. It was still technically "working" but was too disgusting for me to tolerate anymore. Then my hand mixer seized up while making frosting, and finally, the vacuum just up and quit. I think it was suicide. Two long years of daily work cleaning up after the world's most prolific shedder was too much for it. I replaced the vacuum with the $80 Hoover Tempo (based on the recommendation of all the Hatch women), and I am quite happy with it. Now, it's not quiet, and it has the bare minimum in terms of features, but you can feel the power and see the results. I took the budget buys mentality and applied it to the hand mixer- I don't think a hand mixer at any price point will last more than a year or two, so I spent $10 bucks on a replacement and feel okay about that. I'm just waiting for the right price on a George Foreman grill, and I should be back at full operating capacity.

DC: Final Thoughts

There's a few things about DC I don't ever want to forget:

First, I had such an incredible time with my cousin Melanie. We are less than a month apart in age, and spent quite a bit of time together as children. It's funny how those childhood experiences can continue to knit us together decades and decades later, as we laughed about Ginger (our "pig-dog"), the good times at Lehi Pool, and how we think of our own moms every time we holler, "Get on the stick!" at our kids. I have not laughed so much in a long, long time.

The second thing is a little random, but it has to be said. The doctor who sewed up Kiki's head was none other than Dr. Warren Willey, author of "What Does Your Doctor Look Like Naked?" and "Better Than Steroids." He's obviously on to something, since he looks like this:

And no, his face doesn't matter.

He's actually a really nice guy, Liza swears it.

Okay, back to happier thoughts in case bodybuilders aren't your bag. The last few things I want to remember are these:

1. Bruce loses all chivalry on public transportation. I think the subways remind him of his days in England, when he wasn't slowed down by a wife. So, when the doors open, he splits. He would literally be 40 feet away before he'd think to look back to see if I made it off. Which I did, every time, so maybe it's a little needy of me to feel I need to be shepherded off of the bus.

2. Bruce and I have radically different approaches to a time change. I changed my watch en route to Baltimore, and make a complete mental switch. I live and die by the time in my current location. Bruce, however, will not change his watch. He looks at it, the wheels spin a minute, and he asks himself if 10:00 a.m. on his watch means he should be eating breakfast or lunch. It's hard to decide, because no matter what, he remains tied to the clock at home. There we were in Georgetown at the Naval Observatory, which is the keeper of our national clock. The "official time" is on a giant digital display outside of the gates, and Bruce says, "But what time is it REALLY?"

3. It was a star-studded trip back home. On the subway, I saw Mickey Rourke, if he was homeless, 40 lbs overweight, and wearing shorty-shorts. At the airport I saw Nicole Richie 30 years from now. Also, on the subway, a black guy with a mohawk totally hit on me. In the interest of full disclosure, however, I will admit that he was obviously mentally disabled, and it was indeed his companion who translated, "He's saying, 'CALL ME!'"

4. I kind of gave Bruce a hard time above, but I had a great time with him. I feel really lucky that a week long vacation with my husband is such a treat. I truly enjoy his company, and I hope we can do it again soon.

DC Pics: Friday

I may not have mentioned that I have a new best friend in DC. It's my cousin Mel's little girl, Lettie, and we are TIGHT. This is us at the natural history museum (top 2) and Mt Vernon (bottom). Yeah, we were chillin' with George Washington's corpse.

This is looking out from Mt Vernon. It's incredibly beautiful- I can see why George Washington wanted to live and die there.

DC Pictures: Thursday

Bruce's idea of a good time is to ride on the top level of a double decker bus first thing in the morning when it is 50 degrees outside. I tried to be a good sport, but it was hard. Plus, I had started out the day with really good hair, so I had to grieve that loss. I think our faces pretty much say it all.

But, despite the spring chill, we did see the Washington Monument,
Some blossoms that hung on just for us,

and the smallest house in Georgetown- only 9 feet across.

Since I'm really no good at Impressionism, we tried our hand at impressions instead.

Me -n- Vincent.

I have one too many ears, but the jawline is a remarkable likeness.

Here Bruce shows a suprisingly graceful ballerina pose.
(We actually took this picture because Kate has a print of this in her bedroom.)

And, here's the naked butts I referenced in the previous post.

We wandered through the neighboring Sculpture Garden after the art museum.

Here I am with something by a famous guy. It was very moving for me, obviously.

What We Did on Thursday and Friday

I'm so sad! I may have lost all of our photos from the last couple of days thanks to a computer glitch. I'm praying that Bruce can sort it out. Just in case he can't though, here's what we did.

On Thursday morning, Bruce and I went to Georgetown for breakfast and a little shopping. Then we went to the Holocaust Museum. It certainly leaves an impression. It was a moving and emotional experience for us both, especially when I thought that genocide is still happening in our world today.

After the heaviness of the morning, Bruce and I decided it would be a great time to go to the art museum. The Smithsonians are a miracle really- all of the priceless artifacts and works of art, and anyone can go in for free and see them. I was particularly amazed by the art museum- there are no ropes and nothing is under glass. Bruce did get scolded by a security guard: "Sir, you are too close." When we saw a naked statue we laughed and said, "Butt. Naked Butt." in homage to Kiki.

On Friday, after breakfast together, Bruce and I went our seperate ways for a little bit. I went with my dear cousin Melanie and her kids to the Natural History Museum. Her little girl, Villete, has an attention span that is just a hair shy of a nano-second, so we did the entire museum and breakneck speed. But I did see the Hope Diamond- pretty neat. Then we drove out to Mt Vernon- the home and final resting place of George Washington. It was a beautiful day, and so it was great to wander outside with the kids. We met up with Bruce, who hung out with his friend Rob that afternoon, and went out to Melanie's house to meet up with her husband. We left her kids with a sitter, and the four of us went out to a long, grown-ups dinner. We talked and laughed and ate barbecue until our stomachs hurt. It was a fun, fun day.

Today we head home. Our hotel has been incredible- it is beautiful and historic. And cheap. The one negative is that it seems to be the favorite place to stay for snobby, blue-haired ladies. And also, this is where Monica Lewinski was interviewed by Kenneth Star during the Clinton sex scandal. I hope that wasn't in our room.

What Mommy and Daddy Did on Wednesday

Hi girls! It was a rainy day in Washington today, but we still went out to see some sights. Our first stop was the Washington National Cathedral. It is a beautiful church.

Here's Daddy and Rob. The round stained glass window behind them is called a Rose Window, and it's made out of 10,500 pieces of glass. I couldn't believe how beautiful and colorful it was.

We went up to the 7th floor of the cathedral. It was a truly amazing view of the architecture of the church as well as the scenery around it.

Then we went to Arlington National Cemetary. This is a place where many brave soldiers were buried after they died. All of the little white things you see are headstones for individual soldiers, and they go on and on. I teared up a little thinking of the many men and women who have died in service to our country.

This is Daddy at the grave of John F. Kennedy. Someday you will learn about him in school, and you will realize what an important part he played in our history. At his grave is a flame that never, ever goes out.

We also went to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and saw the changing of the guard. At the gift shop I bought you girls a prize, and I can't wait to give it to you.

After Arlington, we went to the Air and Space Museum. It was interesting, but we were also getting tired of walking, walking, and more walking.

So we just took a quick trip around, and now we are back at the hotel. Daddy and Rob are asleep, and I'm thinking about going shopping. I miss you girls a lot! I want you to have fun with your cousins, and Aunt Liza, and Grandma Ellie, and Grandma Trea. Be good for them, and I will call you later tonight. xoxoxo, Mommy.

To Kate and Kiki: What Mommy and Daddy Did On Tuesday

Hi Girls!

This morning Daddy and I went to a place called Inner Harbor in Baltimore, Maryland. There were some cool ships.

This is at the harbor.

This is Daddy at a very cool aquarium. He said that we should bring you girls to it someday. I think that would be a lot of fun.

After we ate lunch at the harbor, we took the car back to the airport and then rode the subway into Washington DC. The subway is a train that is underground, so when we got off the subway we had to take a ride on a long, long escalator to get back to the ground level.

We are staying at a beautiful hotel in Washington, DC. We are only a few blocks away from Barack Obama's house. We walked down the street and saw the World War II Memorial.

Here is Daddy with the Washington Monument in the background.

Here I am on the stairs at the Lincoln Memorial.

Inside the Lincoln Memorial

This is at the Vietnam Memorial.

This is the White House! It is where our President lives.

Daddy is making a funny face, but he really was having a good time.

This is the U.S. Treasury. All that steam is just the printing presses working overtime making money to hand out to rich bankers and others who don't really deserve it.

Daddy and I met the "First Squirrel." He's a Portuguese Water Squirrel and he just moved in to the White House.

We miss you girls! I hope that Kiki's head is feeling okay and that you are having fun. I will call you tomorrow, okay? Be good for Aunt Liza and I love, love, LOVE you.

Coming Full Circle

When Liza and I were in elementary school, there was an incident one day on the way home from school. We were young- she must have been about 1st grade, and I was in 3rd. For reasons neither one of us could recall, I became furious, and decided the only apropriate retaliation was to whack Liza in the head with my (metal) Strawberry Shortcake lunch box. Merrilee was met by the sight of a bloody, screaming Liza, who required stitches above her eye. I'm sure I was sufficiently punished, and I have honestly always felt bad about it, especially as I've grown older. Poor Liza still has the scar. I have endured ENDLESS teasing about the time I whacked my sister with the lunch box.

Well, folks, that all ends today.

The girls are at Liza's house while Bruce and I are back East. Today I got a call from a frantic Liza. The girls were all painting their fingernails, when Charlie became a little enraged that he was not included, and poor Maggie got caught in the crossfire. She was tipped out of her chair and whacked her head on the table, resulting in 3 stitches. She is recovering nicely and there is no need to worry, and Liza feels terrible even though this just as easily could have happened while she was under my own care (So don't feel bad, Liza).

It's just too bad that Maggie was the one who had to pay my karmic debt, but I guess Liza and I are even now, right?

Vacation Day One: Maryland

Sunday was busy! It was Easter, I was playing piano for the ward choir's Easter program, I was presenting sharing time in Primary, and we were getting ready for our big trip.

Step One: Get rid of the dog. Check. Jack came to pick up Powder Sunday afternoon. I had told Powder that she would be staying at Jack's Dog Boarding and Redneck Massage Parlor, and she took the news quite well. When Jack arrived, she began panting, wagging her tail, and whining- happy whining, accompanied by "dog dancing." We generally send Powder to Jack's house with pocket money, since a week of boarding at JDBRMP includes one night of Arby's Roast Beef sandwiches and one night of pepperoni pizza. Needless to say, she jumped in the back seat of Jack's truck with nary a backwards glance.

Step Two: Kid Exchange. Check. We met Liza et al. in picturesque Riverside. The girls were excited about spending the week with their cousins. Kate had mentioned Sunday morning, "My stomach feels funny when I think about my trip." I think she was a little bit nervous and a little bit excited. Bruce and I worried that the drop off would be tear filled and dramatic, but I bought Kiki a sleeve of Pringles, kissed them good-bye, and they were off without incident.

Between Powder's AND the girls' eager departures I'm beginning to think that no one needs us and no one will miss us.

Bruce and I were up at the incredibly heinous hour of 3:30 a.m. so we could make our flight to Baltimore at 6:30 a.m. We were sure to turn off the water main this time to avoid a repeat of the basement flood of 2009. The flight was uneventful. We are in Maryland tonight visiting Bruce's Uncle Richard. We rented a car, and Bruce assured me, "It's not a little tiny car, I rented us an SUV."

And here it is: A Ford Flex, which is easily the UGLIEST car to ever roll off any assembly line anywhere. Look: here's Bruce at lunch, and I can't even get the whole thing in a regular picture.

There we go- I just had to step back a couple hundred feet so I could get the entire car in a single frame. Guess I could have done a "panorama shot."

Here is Bruce with his Uncle Richard. His heart skipped a beat when we pulled up to his place in a giant red hearse, but once we assured him our purposes weren't sinister, we settled in for a nice visit. We have been having a fantastic time talking with him. We've gone to dinner, and he has told us many stories about his parents (Bruce's grandparents) as well as about his childhood and about his kids. Perhaps Bruce will comment with his favorite memories and stories (hint, hint).

Packing Light

Wait for it...
Wait for it...

Wait for it...

Surprise!

Easter Celebrations

Here is my sweet Kate in her Easter Dress. As an aside, Bruce thinks Easter dresses are a bunch of hooey/crazy marketing scam that I have bought into. Liza and I always had new dresses for Easter- will anyone support me? We had to bribe Kiki into her dress (when you wear only a diaper the other six days a week a fluffy pink dress is a pretty hard sell), and as a result, no picture.

We had an Easter Egg hunt with family and friends the Friday before Easter. Kate announced several minutes before the hunt, "Everybody better run and GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Although I hid many, many eggs, with 8 kids searching frantically, the Easter Egg hunt lasted less than 10 minutes. I think they had fun nevertheless.

Lindsay brought my newest nephew, Theo.

After the egg hunt, we enjoyed a traditional Easter Feast: Hot Dogs on the BBQ.



Top Row: Jake
Middle Row: Alexis, Kate, Preston, Kyle
Bottom Row: Kiki, Porter


The Easter Bunny found us Saturday morning- due to our travel schedule I knew we wouldn't have time for Easter on Sunday. I think that is going to be how we do it from now on: An Easter Bunny Easter on Saturday, and a Jesus Easter on Sunday.