So You Think I'm Kidding About the Bikini?

Here's a sampling of what transpired today when I had to wash it.

In the middle video, when she says, "Doop Doop," that's just how she says "Swimsuit."

2 disclaimers- First, I forgot I can't rotate video, so you will have to rotate your heads/laptops/monitors instead. Second, my laundry room is disgusting. I'm fully aware, and I'm doing the best I can.

Blue Bikini: Day 47

Yep, still wearing it every day. I promise, even when she appears dressed the bikini is on underneath.

Here's what the bikini has been doing lately.

We went to the Cedar Hills Parade. It was pretty lame as far as parades go, but there was candy, so it wasn't a total waste of time.

Kate thinks, "Look, Band Fags."

The local funeral home had a float. They threw candy, although I half expected fingernails or gold teeth.

Kate was ignored by the mascot for our local arena football team. Arena football isn't even REAL football. (Now I feel better.)

I managed to insert my finger into yet another picture, but at least you can tell it's the Hatch kids and the Wynn kids.

Here I am with the girls and my giant trachea.

We also went to lunch at our usual Saturday spot- Mi Ranchito. Kiki LOVES the rice.

Grandma Ellie taught Kiki "Train Wreck," which I really appreciate.

Kate blowing bubbles this morning.

Bruce is a Haunted Man

He lays awake at night thinking about ways that our house might flood. One can hardly blame him- 4 floods in 6 years with 4 totally different causes can do that to a person. On Father's Day he was telling Jack about all the precautions he's taken to prevent future floods. Of course Jack artfully assuaged Bruce's nerves by saying, "Well, it'll all be for nothing if your neighbors ever blow a sprinkler. They're a whole bunch higher than you, so all THEIR water will come running to YOU." The man went white as a sheet. He's cleaned all the gutters, he's had pipes moved, he's fixed drainage problems, he's done sprinkler work. Yet he can never, ever rest. His mind constantly envisions scenarios in which we will find our basement full of water again. He speaks seriously about moving. I argue that a new house is no guarantee that an idiot didn't do the plumbing. What will be our solution? I don't know.

On the other side of the water debate are our daughters- they LOVE IT. The girls have been enjoying their swim lessons at PG Pool. Kate has learned to float on her back and paddle her arms. Kiki and I joined a parent/tot class. On the first day, the instructor carefully explained that we should have a 3 word cue to our child to let them know that they would be entering the water, something like "One, Two, Three," or "In You Go." Janet, who knows Kiki's fearlessness about the water, teased, "Is your phrase, 'Where'd Kiki Go?'" I countered, "I was thinking it would be, 'What The Heck?'"

We've had Charlie and Elise with us this week to give Liza a little time with her new baby. I'm a slacker, because I had them 6 days and took no pictures. Bad Aunt. We did do a lot of fun things. We went swimming, we went to the River Park, we went to McDonald's, and the kids played and played. They all got along really well, which was quite nice. I tried to be a nice and patient aunt, but I will admit I was a little amazed at how hard is to keep up with the messes that 4 kids can make. I kept it together okay- I had one come apart when I found that the girls had found some Listerine Agent Blue that I had tried to hide (Warning: Do not ever buy Listerine Agent Blue. It is terrible- it stained my grout and makes the biggest mess. I rue the day I ever bought it. Which is why it was hidden.), and all 4 kids rinsed and spit, and my bathroom counter, sink, and mirror were covered with blue stains. Then, they used an ENTIRE tube of toothpaste to brush their teeth ONCE. Inside I was thinking, "Be cool, some of these kids aren't even yours," but then another part of me was thinking, "Kill! Kill!" The actual result was somewhere in the middle. I wasn't cool, but I didn't kill.

Elise and Kate enjoyed the Wii. They misunderstood when Bruce told them about the "nunchuks." They said, "Gimme that nut-chucker." Other words from Elise: She left Kate a note that read, "Dear Kate, I rile like to be fance with you."

Kate lost a tooth this morning. There's been a minor tragedy in that she's misplaced it already- she thinks it's under her bed. Unfortunately, the remnants of a bag of White Cheddar Cheez-its are also under her bed. I think you can see my conundrum. I searched valiantly, yet every time I thought I had finally located the tooth, I'd grab it eagerly only to have it crumble in my hands. Bruce is currently composing a note that says, "I found your tooth- you sure hid it good this time! Love, the Tooth Fairy."

Lastly, here's how we know we've been under construction for TOO LONG. Kiki woke up yesterday morning, went straight to the front window, looked outside, and said, "Where Rick?" Rick is our excavator. She talks about him all the time. "Rick mustache." "Rick hat." Rick does have a mustache and a cowboy hat, and she's a little mad that Rick wouldn't let her drive the Cat.

Black Micheal Jackson: RIP. White Micheal Jackson: Not So Much.

Let's Pause For a Moment and Pretend My Hair Matters

I just couldn't take it anymore. At this time in my life, I can't handle a haircut that requires more than 5 minutes of styling. Action had to be taken.

Here's the before. I even tried to style it a little for the before shot, and my hair still looks lame.

Maybe you think this haircut is also lame, but it's too late.

I told my stylist, "If you cut my hair like Kate Gosselin, I'm going to kick your butt twice: Once for the haircut you gave me in the back, and once for the haircut you gave me in the front."

Why, No, I Don't Have a Bunch of Spare Time on My Hands

Not since I did this little project, anyway.

Kate and I happened upon this baking idea a few days ago on Bakerella. It's another fun little blog I frequent. Anyhooo...I'm not an "Idea Man," but with very specific instructions, I can execute like nobody's business. So we made:

HAMBURGERS!

AND FRIES!AND FRY SAUCE!

Only not really, because this was dessert. Yum.

So, if you want a tasty dessert and feel like making:

A pan of brownies.

A couple dozen cupcakes.

A batch of sugar cookies (Two in my case, since I experimented for maximum french fry realism).

AND a giant batch of buttercream icing that you will then color many colors.

Then this is a project for you.

Father's Day 2009

"So, what are we doing for Father's Day?" Bruce asked.

"Well, Babe, you just relax. Take a nap, hang out with the girls, whatever. And I'll clean the house, make you a nice dinner, and then clean up."

"Sounds like fun."

"Sounds like what we usually do on Sundays."

That last line isn't just me making up something funny. I was really small and petty enough to say it aloud. I'll work on my level of bitterness about our Sabbath Day division of labor, but I really did try to make a fun day for Bruce. He's a great dad and deserves it. We gave Bruce a Wii, which has been a lot of fun already, then had dinner with my dad and Kay, David and Jill, and John, Lindsay, Preston, and Theo.

John and Preston

Lindsay, Bruce, Dave, and Jill

Jack and Theo


Kate, Elise, and Dave

Jack and his "Frankenstein Finger." He sliced it open with a razor blade and needed 9 stitches to close it. Sick.

Happy Father's Day, Bruce! We love you.

Love What We've Done With the Place: Part Two

Today Bruce answered the question, "What's going on at your house?" a few hundred times. He just started making stuff up. "We wanted mountain views in the front." "I'm putting my mother-in-law in there." When that got old, he started answering with, "What are you talking about?"

The trench. It had been filled in considerably at this point.

And, lest you be thinking, "At least all the craziness is outside," it's actually not that simple. The septic/sewer conversion requires INSIDE plumbing as well. Bruce was up for the task. He got all picky about us not flushing the toilet while he finished up the pipes. Some people are so sensitive about getting a face full of toilet water.

All we've got to do now is put our basement back together. Again.

Love What We've Done With the Place?

Sewer construction started yesterday. Things are looking REAL GOOD. Read that in a sarcastic voice in your head to know how I meant it. The picture above was taken when things were still looking okay.
Farewell, Japanese Maple. You were a beautiful tree gracing my front porch, but no longer. Tell your friend the rooted up pear tree I'm going to miss her too.

The front yard is dirt, piles of dirt, and more dirt. And also a giant, deep trench. However, on the bright side, our septic was definitely on its last stinky gasp. This is one project that was done in the nick of time. Sure hurts the wallet though.

Here's What's Been Going On Lately

Baby Theo was blessed on Sunday. I had grand plans to write down all that was said, but when Bruce walked up to stand in the circle, Kiki started flipping out: "Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go?" so we excused ourselves for a moment.

Theo didn't seem too thrilled with his fancy outfit.

Theo, Angie, and Kay

Courtnie and Kate Lindsay, Kay, and Theo
A couple of days ago, Kate asked me, "Why don't I ever get to have a birthday party in the summer?" Fortunately, her HALF birthday was Monday, and we celebrated that. We went to McDonald's and the girls played in the Playland, then we went to the store and bought a little cake, and we stopped by Grandpa Jack's. As luck would have it, Grandpa was home, and Angie was there, and John, Lindsay, Preston, and Theo were there. Kate had quite a crowd for her totally unplanned half birthday party.

Kiki and Preston feed the horse at Grandpa's.
Grandpa and Angie play with baby Theo.
We sang "Happy Half-Birthday to You" and Kate made a wish that may or may not come true. I'm unsure of the wishing protocol for half birthdays. Perhaps only half of your wish comes true, or perhaps the chances of it coming true are only 50/50.
Five and a half candles.
Kate was thrilled with this party idea.




Dan and Angie have had a couple of bears carved into one of their trees out front. It is pretty amazing. On the other side of the tree is the bear's bum.
Yesterday was my friend Janet's 30th birthday. Both of our husbands are out of town; we celebrated together. I cooked a tasty dish from my new favorite link (My Kitchen Cafe. How about you click on it? You won't be sorry.) and overcooked a homemade cake. Bummer. Cakes are hard for me- I inevitably seem to leave them just a couple of minutes too long every time. Janet was gracious enough to blame the weather for my cake failures, but since it was 75 and sunny yesterday, I think we can all admit that that was the least of my problems.

The assorted Hatch and Wynn Children.
Singing to Janet.
Making a BIG wish: Maybe, "I hope my house is clean when I get home." or "Please let my children fall asleep at 7:30." Mom's don't wish for things, they wish for relief and rest. I hope you got some of both, birthday girl!
This morning Kate asked me what the word "Fair" means. "Well," I said, "If I had two Otter Pops, and I ate them both in front of you, would that be fair?" Kate thought not, but I explained that if I shared one with her, then that would be fair. "And what would be fair if Kiki was there?" I asked. I started on, "We both could..." when Kate interrupted, "...eat them somewhere she wouldn't see us."

Paging the Fashion Police

Motherhood has been hard on my ego. The fact that it's summer doesn't help either, because who wants to get cleaned up in the morning just to go swimming in the afternoon? The last few days I've been sporting the following outfits in the following order:
1. Disgusting stinky gym clothes. I do actually go to the gym in the morning, but I've found it too much of a hassle to change, so I ashamedly admit to teaching piano lessons while reeking of B.O.
2. Swimsuit. Although I put my stinky gym clothes back OVER it while we drive to and from the pool, so then I smell like B.O. PLUS CHLORINE.
3. Pajamas. Because when I get back from swimming and finally shower for the day, it seems pointless to put on a "real outfit" for only a few hours.

My neighbor's son has a girlfriend. I've met her on 3 occasions. The first, I went over late at night to play the piano for a little something. I looked like hell. I was ready to climb into bed, but I had put on self tanner, so I was wearing the most disgusting clothes I owned. I may have been clean, but I smelled like a chemical plant. I was profusely apologizing, "I do not usually look like this..." The second, our basement was flooding or had just flooded and I was over borrowing a water jug, so again, I'm all, "I REALLY do not usually look like a hobo..." Then today, I go over shortly after my shower but prior to dinner, so there's no excuse this time, and I was about to start the whole rigamarole again, but I realized, "NEWS FLASH. YOU DO USUALLY LOOK LIKE THIS."

My off days used to be easily outnumbered by the days when I made some sort of effort, but that's no longer. If you haven't seen me in a while, here's how you can recognize me: My hair has not seen a hot styling tool in 3 or 4 days. I have worn the same pair of brown flip flops everywhere (and every day) since end of May. I have 2 weeks worth of clean laundry which contains: 20 assorted T-shirts. 10 gym shorts. 3 swim suits. 5 pair of sweat pants. 2 pair of jeans. A single skirt. An inexplicably small amount of underwear. Nothing that's seen the steaming side of an iron ever. I am walking through my life looking like I've been dressed by a lesbian. A manly one. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

My New Niece is Here!

Big Announcement!

Liza just gave birth to my new niece, Whitney! She weighed in at 7 pounds, 10 ounces and 20.5 inches long. Dave says she has dark hair and a big head, so we can be sure he's the dad. Liza received some form of pre-birth pain relief and that was all she was hoping for. Mother and baby are both doing well.

Congratulations, Dave, Liza, Elise (you don't have to share your birthday!), and Charlie!

Girls Just Wanna Have Run

And boys too.

Our 10 mile race was today. We were "joined" by our friend and partner in crime, Chris, meaning we rode in together, but once the race started that was the last we saw of him. He's surprisingly fast.

Here's the official "Pre Race Photo." Even unlabeled, you could have probably figured it was pre-race since we are smiling and I don't have sweat in my hiney crack yet.

We recreate our finish line crossing.

Happy to be done.



I met my goal of running the whole time. We ran it in 1 hour, 42 minutes, and a few seconds. I don't feel too bad about that- 10 minute miles for 10 miles.



A couple of years ago I couldn't even run a mile without stopping, so it feels like a little miracle that today I ran TEN. Wednesday I enjoyed the most beautiful run down the canyon by Liza's house- it was early morning and it smelled so good outside. I don't run with headphones- I don't think it's safe in the first place, and in the second place I thoroughly enjoy being alone with only my own thoughts. I was just so darn happy that I could run that I choked up a little as I ran down towards Liza's place. I felt like a real runner.



Liza's hasn't yet fulfilled my need to have a new baby around. Pray for her: She's dilated to a 5 and her doctor won't check her in to the hospital. Fortunately, Lindsay's cat came through for me and produced some new kittens:

Lastly, I have to note a funny little anecdote about Kate and Elise. Kate is constantly creating these elaborate play scenarios. Last night she convinced Elise that it would be a ton of fun if they gave Kiki rides around on their backs. Elise questioned which one of them would be toting around my 30 pound two year old on their hands and knees, and Kate matter of factly said, "Well, it's you. But what I'm going to do is...get you a drink." Like that was a fair division of labor. So Elise gamely loads Kiki on her back and starts crawling around, and it isn't long until she's saying, "Kate! These hard floors are REALLY hurting my knees!" and Kate's response was, "Elise, you are going to have to do it. Maybe you can crawl over to some carpet." And Elise DOES IT, crying the whole time about how heavy Kiki is and how bad her knees hurt, yet for some reason she wouldn't quit, and hauled Kiki all the way over to the living room. Kiki had a great time, and true to her word, Kate provided the drink.

Also, those two were nearly the cause of my untimely death. Knowing I'm going to have some construction going on in the basement, I went to Walmart and bought a roll of that vinyl stair protector. I carefully cut a piece to fit exactly for each stair, and I'm hoping that I save some wear and tear on the new carpet. Yesterday I was headed to the storage room to mop it so I can put some things away, and of course Kiki wanted me to carry her downstairs, so there I was trying to negotiate my stairs with a giant long mop in one hand and a giant two year old on my hip. I stagger down to the first step, and I'll be darned if the vinyl hadn't been flipped over so the spikes were up. Of course I was barefoot, I always am. Shocked and in pain, I jumped to the next step, and sure enough, spikes were up there too. By then the profanity had really started as I tried to make it down the stairs without tripping over the mop, dropping my kid, or punching holes in my feet. Yep, Kate and Elise had turned over EVERY PIECE of vinyl so it was "Spikes Up" the whole way down. I'm pretty sure Kate was the mastermind on that one too.

Ready, Ready, Ready, Ready to Run

Away from my problems.

My house is a disaster, so the girls and I hitched a ride with Jack and high-tailed it to Pocatello to see my sister. I was hoping she'd have her baby while we were there, but despite my wishes and relentless internet research on ways to induce labor, there's no baby yet. Kate even prayed for it ("Please let Aunt Liza have her baby today..."), so there's a testimony crusher.

While I was in Idaho for social reasons, Jack actually had work to do. He finished their deck then went to work on a playhouse for the kids.

Kate with Uncle Dave and Elise

Kiki: She wouldn't need so many blankets if she would wear anything but her blue bikini.

Kiki: Bikini Day 3.

It was starting to stink. I packed clothes, but she refused to wear them.

I'm also (hopefully) ready for a literal run: my 10 mile race is tomorrow.