Musings and Neuroses

Funny, but I would have given her a "10."

I wonder if right before we left the pre-existence to come here, Heavenly Father pulled us aside (for the sake of being fair) and said, "You know, I may have forgotten to mention that merely by being your child-like self, you are going to wind up the butt of a lot of jokes. And I mean A LOT of jokes. Good luck with that."

Lindsay and I have had some laughs over the past few days about how many of your own personality tics you inadvertently pass on to your children. Kate spent the afternoon yesterday educating a couple of her friends on the proper way to eat the multi-colored Goldfish. "First, you put the green with green, and orange with orange, and purple with purple. Then you eat the green, then you eat the orange, then you eat the purple." I realized, in shock, that that's exactly the way I consume my skittles.

Speaking of consumption, Kiki ate a whole sucker today. And by whole sucker, I mean I fished about 3/4" of stick out of her mouth and that was all that was left. Paper is fiber, right?

Kate's Photographs

Kate loves to take pictures. Funnily enough, she seems to have to really captured something very real and genuine about Kiki in the following pictures:

She's got a few little issues with focus, but frankly, I think that's the camera's fault because I have the same problem.

Well I'm-a Movin' on U-Up (movin' on up)

This weekend we moved Merrilee and George into their new house. The fun started Friday afternoon. Lindsay and I decided that we could move the entire contents of the Hunter's pod by ourselves. And we did, including the La-Z-Boy sofas, dressers, filing cabinets, all of it. It was quite a workout, but by the time we were getting sick of it, we were almost done so we sucked it up and finished. Our husbands were in disbelief that we moved all of that ourselves. The house is beautiful and it will be good forMerrilee and George to have a place that is all theirs.

I will call the Temple Recommend Investigative Committee immediately!!

Get your mind out of the GUTTER!! It is a turkey caller! Dave and George had quite a fun time making turkey gobbles. What's funny is that the house is still in total chaos, but George was able to find that turkey caller in about ten seconds.

Grandma Go-Go came to see the new place. Here she is with George and Merrilee, John and Lindsay, Dave and Jill, and Kate and Preston down in front.

Kate with Jill and Dave.

An Embarassing Moment

Yesterday morning I went visiting teaching. It was against my will, as I had started shampooing my furniture, and I really wanted to finish. Selfish, I know. I am OBVIOUSLY the "junior companion" here. I was chatting at the front door with my companion and our victims, and Kiki ran amok. I bent down to pick her up, and RRRRRIIIIIIP! Here is a flash of my internal dialogue (picture me nodding, smiling, and carrying on a normal conversation all while thinking): "Sweet Mary! Did I just split my pants? There is NO WAY I could have split these pants! These are loose pants. I'll just act like I'm putting something in my pocket and reach back there and see what the damage is. I can't find a hole!! It's not right down the center, but I know I heard tearing. Do they think that noise was me farting? Where is that hole??? What in the crap did I eat today? I am eating nothing but Special K until the end of time. Let me switch Kiki to the other arm so I can explore the other half of my backside. Dang you, Kiki, this is all your fault. Oh! There it is! Act natural, now, act natural. I feel it along the pocket; damage is substantial. That sucker is at least five inches. I should have stayed in my stretchy stretchy sweats. Curse you, visiting teaching. If I nonchalantly switch my purse over there, is that going to cover it? NO!! Should I admit what has gone down or should I back up to my car? I hope I am not wearing holy underwear." All that in about three seconds. I finally wound up fessing up that I had split my pants open. All parties were very understanding and I made it to my car with a minimum of embarrassment, but I was never so relieved to be home. Of course, once home, who cares? I proceeded to wear the pants until I went to the gym that afternoon.

Kiki grew a millimeter during the night...

And unfortunately for me, a millimeter was all she needed to be able to reach the water dispenser. This is a tragedy.

They are having so much fun! Their faces aren't even giving away that Powder is so STINKY!! It is definitely time for a bath.

If you are ever at my house and find yourself wondering, "Doesn't she ever clean her french doors?" Well, I do, but I have THIS to contend with.

"...then what I'm going to do is pull this lid off with my teeth, lean over the opening and drool inside, put my hand in and mix it around, then dump the canister out on the ground." P.S. Don't ever eat an oatmeal cookie at my house.

That Cookie Really Did Tell My Fortune!!

Yesterday I went to my friend Anne's to pick up a replacement phone (thanks Anne for saving me a bunch of $$$!), and Kate came with me. When we got there, she immediately told Anne that she was hungry. Anne's a good sport, so she offered up a banana. That didn't do it for Kate, so then Anne gave her an orange. Kate ate both. At this point, I'm getting a little embarrassed, especially since Kate never finishes anything at home, and Anne's a good enough friend that she knows this. I told her, "I promise, I am not starving my kid." Kate was still hungry, so then she polished off a peanut butter sandwich. Still hungry. So then Anne gave Kate a fortune cookie. This was a whole new awesome world for Kate. A delicious cookie that can tell the future? She ate three or four and was so thrilled with the tiny slips of paper and the fortunes. Later that day, we went to the store, and I bought another box of fortune cookies so we could have some at home.

Tonight, Anne and her husband, Chris, came to dinner, and so I broke out the fortune cookies at dessert time. Kiki went ape for the cookies. She was screaming at Anne (translation: Please open this cookie IMMEDIATELY) and Anne was hurrying to get it out of the plastic. It was touch and go for a minute there. Ironically, Kiki's fortune was: You will soon form a charming new friendship. Anne and I laughed, thinking clearly it wasn't with her!! The friendship, that is.

I have said quite a bit about my silly Maggie, but I should really also say that Kate has been such a sweet girl lately. Age 4 got off to a rough start for us, but the spring has been so good. She has been so loving and helpful. She says things like, "You are my best mommy ever!" and "Will you be my mommy forever?" It's quite a switch from the winter when she was telling me how large my derrière was. And it WAS larger then, so I guess that's just honesty. Also an endearing quality, really.

Misdeeds

I know that I speak frequently of Kiki's "Busy-ness". See, there, I'm trying to put a positive spin on things. However, let me just summarize some of her activities, and I'll just pull from, say, the last 48 hours. Prepare to be amazed at her level of energy.

Ate sand.
Dumped an entire bag of goldfish out.
Stole my toothbrush.
Unwound the toilet paper.
Emptied the dirty silverware from the dishwasher.
Put hands in dog food.
Put feet in dog food.
Put hands in dog water.
Put feet in dog water.
Put hands in dog food so she could transfer food to dog water.
Put pajamas in dog water.
Put Kate's shoes in dog water.
Put Kate's slippers in dog water.
Rubbed yogurt pretzel over car window.
Drank an entire diet lime ricky from Sonic (size medium, and it was intended for me).
Ruined my new cell phone. (second phone in 7 weeks)
Sucked on the business end of the booger sucker (bulb syringe for the technically-minded).
Mashed a package of cookies on purpose.
Pushed a quart jar of pears on to the ground. I have been finding glass shards for days and I still have sticky floors.

Now, maybe you are thinking, "That kid is TOTALLY unsupervised." I will attest, however, that I am not negligent. She is just so fast, and she seems to have this cunning mind that allows her to act upon an impulse at the very moment an opportunity presents itself. I find myself totally unable to predict what will happen next. And yet I love her and think she is totally adorable. In fact, I laughed out loud when she refused me my own lime ricky. Is this some kind of Stockholm syndrome?

Making Bre-ead, Bread-a-rama

Today the girls and I went on a field trip to Logan to see my friend Brooke and her boys. Let me just preface this whole entry by saying that Brooke is the greatest friend, because she is one of those people who makes you feel totally accepted and understood. She has been this way for as long as I have known her, and so a little drive to see her is totally worth it. Plus, since she has three boys with a fourth on the way, odds are pretty good that at least one of her boys is going to marry one of my girls.
This picture should come in handy in twenty or twenty five years and we are putting together the wedding DVD. (Owen, Bennett, and Kate)

We made bread. Here is Kiki with the bounty. Then we ate homemade bread until our stomachs hurt.

Kate with an apple smile.

We had left approximately 3 minutes before this picture was taken in the car. Guess all the popsicle dripping, macaroni throwing, and sand eating had worn Kiki right out. Both girls were asleep before I was out of town. I didn't even turn the radio on; I drove for an hour and 45 minutes in the most blissful, blissful silence.

Kiki occupied herself for the last 15 minutes with a yogurt pretzel. If you think she looks messy, you should see the car window. Naughty!

Groundbreaking Presidential Announcement

Watching the news tonight, it was mentioned several times that the Pope was visiting. It's his birthday, and he got to spend it with the President. The Pope and President Bush released a joint statement denouncing terrorism. I couldn't help thinking, "No kidding. I think pretty much every one hates terrorism." I think it's just some political positioning to get Lil' George out of the 20th percentile as far as his approval ratings go. In that vein, I have some ideas for future Presidential/Papal announcements:

We Think Puppies Are Cute.
Beans Give Us Gas.
That French Prime Minister has a HOT Wife.
Capitalism seems to be Working.
Neither One of Us is as Crazy as those FLDS Folks.
Pizza is Tasty.

Maybe I'll be a little more moved if next time the leader of the free world dares to stray from the obvious.

I Watched Biggest Loser and Ate Cupcakes

Go ALI!!!!! I'm so happy she won!

The girls and I made cupcakes. This one helped me lick the spoons.

This one helped run the mixer. As a sidenote, I hope the day comes when I can say "Smile!" and I actually get a smile.

This blog entry gets random from here on out.

I would just like to know what schizoid wrote this weather report! I think there is every weather adjective in the book in a seven day forecast. Sun, snow, AND cold? In a single day? It must be spring in Utah.

Kiki just watched "There's Something About Mary" and yes, she loved it.

I just thought her expression here was so funny.

For every time you've taken your kid to the McDonald's playland and thought to yourself that no medical professional would be caught dead there, I have an important anecdote. Today, while at the aforesaid location, I saw my pediatrician's nurse there with her kids. How bad can it be?

Say my name, say my name

While Kiki is very vocal, she has yet to become verbal. I've been trying to work with her to say a few words. Today I was eating some ice cream, and she was desperate for some. So I thought, 'Here is my golden opportunity.' I said, "Say 'Mama' and you can have some ice cream." She kept try to just eat it, and I kept saying, "Say 'Mama.'" The poor little thing had her mouth open as wide as she could get it, and her tongue was just quivering. In her defense, it was Ben and Jerry's and I have had the same reaction. After no result and such a pathetic display on her part, I just gave in and gave her the ice cream. And she spoke: "Mama, mmmmmm."

Kate's Wedding Dreams

I just finished watching "Platinum Brides" on WE TV with Kate. I think that I am only training her to dream big. She kept saying, "When does the dancing start?" "That's pretty jewelry!" "I like those flowers." I guess I better start saving my money!

This schizophrenic Utah weather is making me crazy! Just 48 hours ago there was snow on the ground, and then today it was so warm that I let the girls wade in the creek by our house. Maggie was thrilled with it, and she just kept laughing and splashing. The water was freezing (probably because this morning it was still a snowdrift) but she still screamed when I took her out. It was so nice for us all to enjoy a Sunday walk instead of sitting around cursing the cold.

I took Kate to see "Penelope" at the dollar movie last night with my friend Anne. We got off to a rough start when Kate dumped out her popcorn. Kate grilled us the whole entire time about the plot points, and I thought, 'Great. I totally wasted my money because this movie is beyond her.' Then today, when she saw Grandma Ellie at church, she totally recapped the whole movie. I guess she picked up on more than I thought. I thought it was a cute show and will recommend it for family viewing. It's not as good as "Enchanted" though.

I continue to expand my cooking skill set. I went to a great class on pressure cooking, and I've already made a delicious beef stew in my pressure cooker. It cooks so fast! For you bread makers out there, my sis-in-law Cheryl pointed me to the most delicious recipe (I'm forever in your debt, Cheryl). Go to Allrecipes and search "french baguette" submitted by Judy Taubert. So delicious. I've made it twice in three days and you better believe there are no leftovers.

Bruce's Birthday: Part II

On Bruce's birthday he was able to take the day off. We took the girls to the children's museum at the Gateway. It was so much fun.

Kiki prepares for a career in law enforcement.

Bruce and the girls in the helicopter.

Becca and the girls on Sesame Street.

Kate and her giant tower of legos.

If you had not had the chance to go to Discovery Gateway, you are missing out! We stayed a couple of hours, until we wore Maggie out, but Kate could have stayed all day playing and exploring. It is a little pricey (8.50) but I would say it was worth it. Happy Birthday to a great husband and father!! We love you!!

American Idol: Fashion Recap

Who could even concentrate on the vocals, when every single one of the contestants was dressed like the AI stylist had raided the reject closet from the Ice Capades?

We'll start with Paula: This show is on at 7:00. Please do not show 80% of your breasts to my 4 yr old. Your armpits are wrinkly now, so a woman of your age requires a little more coverage. Also, since I have HD, I also could see each individual speck of glitter on your chest, and it was OVERKILL.

Micheal Johns: I didn't realize it was possible for you to look so unsexy. Between the tapered leg pants, the shorty vest, and a shirt with a half sleeve, millions of women across the nation booted you out of their fantasies tonight. P.S. Neck Scarf=Hugh Hefner recall. Yuck.

Syesha: Okay, anything mean I would say would just be out of jealousy that you actually looked good in white skinny jeans. I can only dream.

Jason Castro: Your patchy five o-clock shadow is very unnerving. Again, with the tapered leg jeans!! I can't take it.

Kristy Lee: I'm pretty sure your tank top was actually Michelle Kwan's dress in the 2002 Olympics. Nude fabric with sequins on it just screams out "Ice skating flunkee."

David Cook: I appreciate your message written on your hand at the end of your song, "GIVE BACK." However, America would appreciate it if you would complete the message by opening your other hand, which read, "THIS JACKET."

Carly Smithson: I personally believe that there are few things in this world as flattering as a well-cut black pant. How hard did you have to work to find such cheap and crappy pair of pants? I could barely notice your gold woven belt. Whoopsy on that one as well, Carly.

David Acrchuleta: Not bad, at least it wasn't a sweater with an oversized blazer. However, next time you want to wear a western shirt, go to Cal Ranch. You'll find your size on the women's petites rack.

Brooke White: I can't rip on a girl who covers up her stuff and looks super cute week after week.

Bruce's Birthday Party

Tuesday is Bruce's 40th birthday!! We celebrated with friends and family last night. We had so much fun with those who came- it's just great to catch up with the ones we love. We are so blessed to have such an awesome network and support system, and last night was definitely a reminder of that.

A Momentous Occasion

We have pigtails!!!

Cannery Blues and Other Tales From Today

Chapter 1: I've got the cannery blues.
I showed up to my cannery shift with the following mindset: "Let's get this over as quickly as possible so I can go home with my jam." As I enter the orientation room I hear this monologue from the lady in charge: "...retina detached in more than one place. They had to give me a shot right in the eye ball. Now to fix it, you don't get put totally under. Well, you start out totally under, but then they have to bring you back so you can tell them if you can see or not. Now it was about this time that they realized my heart rate was only twenty seven beats a minute. So after the retina surgery, I had to go in for a pacemaker. How do you tell your kids you only have six months to live? Well, the doctor didn't actually SAY I only had six months to live, but I sure felt like I only had six months to live. And it was three days before Christmas. So the pacemaker fixed my slow heart rate, but it wouldn't fix my fast heart rate. After two eye surgeries and two heart surgeries, well then things really started to go downhill." I wanted to scream out, "Just tell me to keep my hands out of the conveyor belt and get me my rubber gloves!!!"

Chapter 2: A mani/pedi with Kate.
I was desperate for a pedicure so I took Kate with me on a "Kate Date" figuring she could get her nails painted and I could have a minute of peace. Those ladies are no dummies, because they asked Kate, "Do you want flower?" You and I know it's just a trick to make an extra five bucks because it takes about zero in terms of time and materials. But to a four year old? Heck yeah, she wants a flower. Next time they can ask ME if she wants a flower.

Chapter 3: Good news for Grandma Gloria.
Bruce and I had the true pleasure of dinner with Rose and Jeff and the kids. What a fun night of conversation and laughs. The best part was the following fortune: YOU WILL INHERIT AN UNEXPECTED SUM OF MONEY WITHIN THE YEAR. Grandma, that can only mean one thing!

Chapter 4: Escapades at the ice cream shoppe.
After dinner, we all went to the ice cream place up the street. While Rose thought she had the ultimate treat with Rocky Road ice cream with a cookie in it, I acually one-upped her with the mint chocolate chip ice cream with junior mints in. There were whole ones under and on top of the ice cream. Lachlan warmed up to me pretty quick when I offered to share, and she took a junior mint. The look on her face was priceless, and you have to know that her internal dialogue went something like this: "What is this slice of heaven that has been withheld from me thus far? Becca, get your spoon out of the way." She ate all the ones on top, so I used my spoon to show her the hidden Junior Mints underneath. She was hilarious! Every time I would show her another one, she would laugh and squeal and eat it immediately.

Chapter 5: Taxicab confessions.
Picked up the girls, and like any date night, prayed that they would fall asleep in the car. (Aunt Lindsay is WAY too much fun to fall asleep there.) Kiki went out pretty quick, so I was grilling Kate about the last time she used the potty. Was it before her bath? After the bath? Just before I got there? She said, "I went to the potty a bunch of times. Know why? Because I ate A LOT of junk."

Kate Math

Bruce and I had our taxes done last night (Thanks Kay!!). Kate has been very curious about what taxes are exactly. Sample Dialogue:
Kate: What are taxes?
Me: It's money we pay to our government so that we have roads and schools.
Kate: What's the government?
Me: The people who run our country. (Sidebar: If she had asked this question of Grandpa Jack the answer would have been very different.)
Kate: What's our country?
Me: America.
Kate: Is America the whole world?
Me: George Bush thinks so.

Anyway, we have gone around and around and she just isn't getting it. I had to drop the last of our paperwork off to Kay tonight, so that THANKFULLY Bruce and I can collect our fat refund. Kate asked me: How much money did you spend on taxes?
Me: About 20,000 dollars.
Kate: 20,000 DOLLARS!!! That's like a MILLION DOLLARS!!!
Me: It sure as heck is.